Sometimes an interview stops you in your tracks. That's exactly what happened during my recent Rich Woman Rising podcast conversation with family lawyer Danielle Zetzer. What started as a discussion about business success turned into a masterclass in understanding our complex relationship with money and worth.

When the sheriff came to repossess Dani's family home, she was seven years old. Her mother, an immigrant with three young children and no education beyond year 10, had no idea they were in financial trouble. That day began a two-year period where her family moved 11 times, each change reinforcing a lesson Dani didn't know she was learning until years later: money means survival, and survival means fear.

That little girl grew up to build one of Melbourne's most respected family law firms. But the path there? It's nothing like the glossy success stories we usually hear.

During our conversation, Dani shared that during Covid she taught herself share trading and crypto. Over two and a half years, she built her investment to $5.5 million US dollars.

But here's the part that fascinated me as a Money Confidence Coach: she never spent a cent of it. Not even a celebratory handbag. Instead, she felt dirty, ashamed, guilty. As she described feeling "filthy rich," I could hear the echoes of childhood programming - where people with wealth were viewed with suspicion while struggling was worn as a badge of honour.

When she lost it overnight all in a market crash (yep, she los the whole 5 millions!) Dani's response wasn't what you might expect. She didn't cry or scream... instead, she realised just how much her childhood relationship with money was still influencing her adult decisions.

As we dug deeper into her story, Dani spoke about her relationship with fear. She spoke of the type of fear that signals danger and fear that shows you care deeply about something. This understanding has shaped how she builds her business today. This distinction is an important one to understand, because fearing a dangerous snake that's in your home is appropriate while fearing success is based on past traumas that is actually not a rational fear - but our brains don't know the difference and will process all our fear responses in the same way. 

What struck me most, as a money psychologist who works with body-based techniques, was how clearly Dani's story illustrates the physical manifestation of our money stories. She shared a recent example where she felt angry but took 15 minutes (as a single mom of three!) to explore that feeling. It turned out to be overwhelm about admin tasks - a perfect example of how our bodies signal what our minds haven't yet processed.

As I listened to Dani's story, I couldn't help but think about all the women in my community dealing with their own success shame, their own fears, their own desire to build something meaningful without losing themselves in the process.

Here's what I believe we can all learn from her journey:

1. Your discomfort with success isn't wrong - it's information
2. Fear comes in different flavours - learn to distinguish them
3. Sometimes letting go of "good" makes room for "great"
4. Your body's wisdom is worth listening to
5. True confidence isn't about being fearless - it's about finding something more important than your fear

If you're navigating your own complex relationship with success, know this: you're not alone. Every woman I work with, including those who seem to have it all figured out, is on this journey of understanding their worth, their fears, and their right to thrive.

Want to hear more of Dani's story? Click here to listen to the full episode of Rich Woman Rising or search on your favourite podcast app. 

Eloise Tomkins is a Money Coach and Psychologist who helps women in business reprogram their relationship with money using body based techniques. Her popular membership, the Millionaire Mindset Academy helps you shift your money fear so you can make more income without hustling harder. 

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