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Eloise Tomkins: Hello and welcome to the rich woman rising. Podcast I'm your host, Eloise Tompkins. And I'm a money coach and psychologist, helping you to step into your next income level by rewiring your relationship with money so that you can build a regulated business that doesn't just make more money, but actually lets you feel good holding it.
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Eloise Tomkins: But before we go any further, I want to share with you the 3 day somatic money reset that I'm hosting. Starting on the second of June, where I'm going to not just give you more information. But I'm actually going to help you tap into the part of yourself that wants more money, the part of you that's scared, and work with your nervous system to help begin to bridge that gap. And this is something that I do with all of my one-on-one clients.
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Eloise Tomkins: and for the 1st time I'm sharing it for free with you. So if you have been curious about my work and wanting to unpack that a little bit more. Unpack your relationship with money in a nervous system. 1st approach, come and join. It is going to be a lot of fun. I'm going to put the link in the bio, not in the bio, in the show notes for you. Even if you can't attend live register, you'll get access to the replay.
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Eloise Tomkins: But today I want to talk to you about, oh, hustle and hard work. Because
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Eloise Tomkins: I have, I love recording this podcast I really do like, I really enjoy it. But for the past couple of weeks it has felt like such an effort. And I've been reflecting on
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Eloise Tomkins: why we're trying to reflect on why
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Eloise Tomkins: and what I have kind of concluded is that sometimes it can be really hard, because I
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Eloise Tomkins: feel like I have to always show up with big energy. I have to show up with like high vibes. And you know
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Eloise Tomkins: this really energetic persona! And which I've come to realize is not entirely me.
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Eloise Tomkins: And so I have been grappling with that because there has been moments where I'm, like, oh, I want to record the podcast but I feel like, I don't have the energy to go in the 110% like, maybe I'll go in with 70 or 80%.
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Eloise Tomkins: I'm like, Well, that's not good enough. And so I've kind of been reflecting on that, because
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Eloise Tomkins: that perfectionism of wanting to do it right, or to do it perfectly, or to just be on at your top level.
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Eloise Tomkins: had kind of been running subconsciously in the back of our mind. I wasn't quite aware of it.
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Eloise Tomkins: I just knew that every time I would think about sitting down to record a podcast.
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Eloise Tomkins: There would be something inside of me like, Oh, this feels really hard.
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Eloise Tomkins: And so I get curious about that. And I'm like, what's going on. Hence there
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Eloise Tomkins: realization that I came to. So I want to talk to you about that, because
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Eloise Tomkins: I think so often we have this expectation of how we think we should show up in our business, because if we show up in this particular way, that's going to be how it makes us money.
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Eloise Tomkins: And interestingly, as I have been reflecting, I'm like, oh, I had this thought process that if I showed up loud, big energy, high vibes that's going to be my path to 7 figures.
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Eloise Tomkins: And then I checked in with my nervous system.
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Eloise Tomkins: and my nervous system was like Ellie.
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Eloise Tomkins: honey. I just don't think that's you.
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Eloise Tomkins: and that's not to say that I don't have good energy or positive energy, or
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Eloise Tomkins: I don't know whatever you want to call it. I like my energy, but I'm also not that person that just waltzes into a room and is like, Yeah, let's get this party started. I'm in the corner with my drink, just absorbing and taking it all in, noticing, reflecting, curious,
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Eloise Tomkins: probably near the food table. If there's some delicious food and I'll talk to people. But
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Eloise Tomkins: I'm more of this quiet will observer, and that is my strength.
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Eloise Tomkins: I really like to do that. And
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Eloise Tomkins: then I kind of found myself sitting in this space of well, if that's me, then well, I'm not going to create the business that I want, because
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Eloise Tomkins: you have to be that loud person to build a crazy, successful business.
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Eloise Tomkins: Ow, and I wonder if you can relate
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Eloise Tomkins: where you have this kind of expectation or this assumption that your business will only work
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Eloise Tomkins: in a particular way.
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Eloise Tomkins: Now I caught myself with all of this, don't get me wrong. I snowballed into it for a few days. While I was avoiding the podcast recording because I'm like, I, I was trying to figure out what's going on.
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Eloise Tomkins: and this is why I do the nervous system work because nervous system work
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Eloise Tomkins: isn't just about expanding your capacity so that you can hustle harder and hustle more, and work harder, and push yourself further and further and further like. No, that is not what nervous system work is about. That is not
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Eloise Tomkins: what I do with my clients to help them build a business that's sustainable, that helps them make more money that aligns with their values and their goals like.
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Eloise Tomkins: No.
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Eloise Tomkins: Yet I still found myself getting caught up in it. What I realized is that our nervous system is
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Eloise Tomkins: one able to be expanded, and we can increase our threshold for money and stress, and even things like overwhelm or anxiety.
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Eloise Tomkins: which also increases our capacity for things like clarity and joy, and all those positive emotions that come with it.
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Eloise Tomkins: We can expand our nervous system's capacity.
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Eloise Tomkins: but just like any or pretty much most things. There are edges
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Eloise Tomkins: in some way, shape or form.
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Eloise Tomkins: and I mean, imagine blowing up a balloon.
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Eloise Tomkins: You have a balloon, and you blow one puff of air in there, and it's still a tiny little balloon, right? It's barely inflated.
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Eloise Tomkins: But if you keep blowing up the balloon it keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger
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Eloise Tomkins: those are the edges.
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Eloise Tomkins: Now, you could have that one puff of air in the balloon.
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Eloise Tomkins: and it's barely expanded, but there's room for more.
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Eloise Tomkins: So you keep blowing and blowing or expanding kind of like your nervous system. We want to expand it so that it can hold more money.
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Eloise Tomkins: But at the same time there are edges around it, too, which means that at some point you are going to blow one puff of air too much, and the balloon will pop.
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Eloise Tomkins: because that's its limit, and that's not to say that.
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Eloise Tomkins: there's something wrong with the balloon.
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Eloise Tomkins: It just was not designed to take up that shape that we were trying to force it into.
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Eloise Tomkins: We were trying to make it shape that it just didn't. It said, No, this does not fit.
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Eloise Tomkins: And how I see this playing out is, we
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Eloise Tomkins: spend so much time trying to make money in our business by the rules that other people have said that we should.
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Eloise Tomkins: So for me it was. Oh, my goodness! I have to be loud! I have to go big. Go hard in order to build my business. The way that I want
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Eloise Tomkins: Q exhaustion. Q, not wanting to record the podcast because i'm because, it wasn't even about the podcast it was just this overarching sense, because I was placing all of this pressure on myself on my nervous system that didn't actually align with
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Eloise Tomkins: my own edges. It wasn't about the podcast it was about just the edges in general.
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Eloise Tomkins: And this thought of all of these things that I potentially had to do
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Eloise Tomkins: that didn't actually fit in line with what I wanted.
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Eloise Tomkins: And so
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Eloise Tomkins: when we break that down and we think about okay, so we can expand our nervous system and how much wealth it can hold.
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Eloise Tomkins: We also have to get to know our nervous system so that we can work out
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Eloise Tomkins: what are our own edges. Now, I'm not talking about edges in terms of your wealth limit, because your wealth limit is infinite.
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Eloise Tomkins: That has nothing to do, that that's separate.
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Eloise Tomkins: And the reason that that's separate is because we can continue to build that threshold as long as we're working within the edges of your nervous system. So, for example.
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Eloise Tomkins: for me.
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Eloise Tomkins: There are things that I want to do right. I love speaking on stage, quite happy to throw me up on stage love to speak, have no problem doing that.
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Eloise Tomkins: But if you were to get me to do that every single day, day in, day out.
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Eloise Tomkins: and have that as my primary thing that I was doing.
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Eloise Tomkins: and I don't know. Maybe it was 4 speaking engagements a month, traveling internationally every other week. I mean, that sounds really nice in theory because I love to travel, but I think that would feel really intense on my nervous system, because I like to be home with my dog. I like to
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Eloise Tomkins: get up early. I like I need good sleep, and traveling
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Eloise Tomkins: extensively would probably disrupt that. So not ideal for my nervous system for other people great. They may thrive on that. In fact, they do awesome good for them.
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Eloise Tomkins: My edges say no, I don't think that's great, but I can still increase my threshold for wealth
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Eloise Tomkins: by leaning into my strength, and what my nervous system says is good for me as a person, and ultimately what this comes down to is your nervous system is yours. It's individual.
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Eloise Tomkins: Yet we try, and I don't know what's that saying like
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Eloise Tomkins: square peg, round hole, or something like that. I don't know saying about that. Hopefully. Get the gist of that.
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Eloise Tomkins: We try and build our businesses kind of like that where the round hole
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Eloise Tomkins: know where the peg? I don't know. We're one of them. We're trying to squash it in. It doesn't fit. It's mismatched, and then we wonder why we're tired all the time. We wonder why we're resenting our clients. We wonder why the income that we're making doesn't reflect how much fucking work we're putting in
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Eloise Tomkins: because we're trying to build our business. That's not actually designed for our nervous system.
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Eloise Tomkins: So when we learn that we can expand our tolerance, we can expand our capacity for money.
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Eloise Tomkins: We can expand our nervous system's capacity just generally.
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Eloise Tomkins: but we also need to understand the lines or the edges that our nervous system has, and that helps us to build a business that allows us to make money in a way that is super aligned
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Eloise Tomkins: to us personally, not what
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Eloise Tomkins: whoever's doing on Instagram, not what your friends doing down the street, but what actually aligns for you. And that was a reminder that I needed to remind myself. And and the reason that I share this with you is because I want you to understand that
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Eloise Tomkins: I'm literally an expert in this space, and it still catches me.
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Eloise Tomkins: it still catches me off guard. And that's not a negative thing. That's not a bad thing. It's just a very human thing.
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Eloise Tomkins: because our subconscious is wild.
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Eloise Tomkins: It hooks you in and makes you think
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Eloise Tomkins: that you are completely logical, that you are completely
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Eloise Tomkins: on the right track with your train of thought. And it's not until you can kind of get some space
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Eloise Tomkins: or have someone reflect it back to you where you're like. Oh.
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Eloise Tomkins: yeah, alrighty. I I see that. So
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Eloise Tomkins: what I want you to have a bit of a think about is, how have you built your business based on your own nervous system.
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Eloise Tomkins: I would hazard a guess that you probably haven't even thought about it.
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Eloise Tomkins: Understandable, because it's not, you know. You don't kind of start a business and go all right. Well, how's my nervous system showing up in this? We don't talk about our nervous system enough.
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Eloise Tomkins: I think, but it really has a huge impact on us. And
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Eloise Tomkins: yeah, I just see it so often, like.
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Eloise Tomkins: Oh, one of my beautiful clients, it just
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Eloise Tomkins: leaning into her nervous system and realizing, oh, my God!
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Eloise Tomkins: I don't want to see the type of clients that I have been seeing. They drain me. But actually, now that I'm listening and tuning into my nervous system. I'm realizing there's this area over here that I'm really good at. And I really love working with.
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Eloise Tomkins: And she was able to get clarity because she started
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Eloise Tomkins: being able to filter out the noise she was able to tune in to what her body, what her nervous system was saying, and she was able to listen
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Eloise Tomkins: and make meaning of what was going on, rather than it all. Just kind of being jumbled static on the radio. And now
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Eloise Tomkins: she's building a business that's in alignment. She hasn't burnt everything down. Don't get me wrong like absolutely not.
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Eloise Tomkins: But she's being more discerning and creating a business that aligns with her.
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Eloise Tomkins: and that is the power of nervous system work, because the more that you build something that's in alignment.
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Eloise Tomkins: the more excited you are, the more energized you are.
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Eloise Tomkins: the more fulfilled you are like it just stacks on.
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Eloise Tomkins: And I just can't stress enough the power of actually listening to your nervous system to build
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Eloise Tomkins: a life. Your way is, I think we've spent way too long
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Eloise Tomkins: trying to do things like everyone else, and I don't know about you, but I am tired of hustle culture. I feel like I have been a part of that for way too long.
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Eloise Tomkins: does not work for me, hate it
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Eloise Tomkins: so much burnout and exhaustion like. No, thank you.
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Eloise Tomkins: I unsubscribe from that but then they forget to take me off the email list, and sometimes they'll put me back on the hustle
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Eloise Tomkins: train. I have to remind myself to unsubscribe, because it's a work in progress. Whenever you're used to doing something you're going to keep doing it.
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Eloise Tomkins: even if you say Oh, no, I don't want to.
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Eloise Tomkins: which is where I found myself in this situation of why Am. I having such difficulty recording a simple podcast.
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Eloise Tomkins: but it makes sense when you look at the meaning that has been attached to how I had inadvertently been perceiving my business. And now I'm shift. I I can go. Oh, yeah, I take that way off. I take that backpack off. I don't want it. Put it down. I'm gonna make sure that I continue living in alignment. And I think this is one of those things that when you do the work. And you clear that space, you can actually.
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Eloise Tomkins: I guess, notice and keep continuing like it's not a blanket. Oh, my God! Life is just full of roses, and it's easy, but it becomes clearer. You can consciously choose the path that you want to walk down. It becomes easier to choose your path.
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Eloise Tomkins: and that
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Eloise Tomkins: I wouldn't trade for anything, because the alternative is, I would have kept going down the other path and been building my business on hustle, which is not how I wanted to do it. So
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Eloise Tomkins: if this resonates for you, chances are you find yourself stuck at that crossroads of
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Eloise Tomkins: thinking that there's only one way to build your business in order to make the money that you want.
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Eloise Tomkins: which is work hard.
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Eloise Tomkins: and I mean to be fair. Starting a business does take a lot of work and energy, there's no doubt about it, otherwise everyone will be doing it. However, there also comes a point where
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Eloise Tomkins: you get to choose and listen and lean into what your body, what your nervous system says, hey, these are your strengths.
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Eloise Tomkins: these are your edges.
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Eloise Tomkins: and that's okay. You're allowed to be human. You're allowed to build your business your way.
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Eloise Tomkins: and I think sometimes that can be confronting, because it means
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Eloise Tomkins: that we're going to be the odd one out in some way, because when you build a business your way, usually, what that means is you're going against the grain of what other people are doing
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Eloise Tomkins: me. For example, I'm a trained psychologist. I'm doing money coaching.
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Eloise Tomkins: I cannot tell you how many other psychologists have already criticized the work that I am doing in this space.
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Eloise Tomkins: I've also had plenty who love the work that I'm doing in this space, because psychologists are terrible at charging for their services. So hello to all of my psychologist friends listening, I see you and I so value you because I get what it's like to want to do something different, and people are going to judge you. People are going to think that you're crazy. People are going to think that you're
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Eloise Tomkins: like. Who are you to be doing that. People are gonna have those thoughts. But when you
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Eloise Tomkins: know your why, when you know why, you are doing things your way, when you know your strengths because you know the edges of your own nervous system, when you know that
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Eloise Tomkins: your nervous system is your container, because you know yourself so intimately, and you know yourself so well.
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Eloise Tomkins: You know what your triggers are. You know what frustrates you. You know that you don't need to
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Eloise Tomkins: stop your emotions from happening. You just use them as information. All of those
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Eloise Tomkins: tools that your nervous system gives. You are so powerful, and from that
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Eloise Tomkins: that is where you build your business, I mean, doesn't it make sense? You build your business from your strength, not from trying to force yourself to contort into this square peg shape that you can't fit into. That just sounds crazy to me.
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Eloise Tomkins: So this is your reminder that you get to build your business your way.
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Eloise Tomkins: and that is part of the reason why I'm hosting the 3 day money reset, because
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Eloise Tomkins: we've got these parts of ourselves that desperately just want to do things in the way that society and other people have kind of
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Eloise Tomkins: convinced us that we should do them.
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Eloise Tomkins: But the reality is you get to do it your way.
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Eloise Tomkins: and you can make money your way.
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Eloise Tomkins: You absolutely absolutely can. And I've seen it time and time again, the more that we lean into our own selves.
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Eloise Tomkins: the more that money flows because people love authenticity.
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Eloise Tomkins: People love other people who own who they are.
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Eloise Tomkins: That is the most magnetic thing that I think somebody can have
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Eloise Tomkins: did not expect myself to say that, because I'm thinking, huh! That's really interesting, because I don't see myself as magnetic.
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Eloise Tomkins: But what I have noticed is that the more myself I am.
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Eloise Tomkins: the easier my business is, the more aligned clients show up in my world.
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Eloise Tomkins: The just everything is a million times easier.
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Eloise Tomkins: So not that you need permission.
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Eloise Tomkins: but this is your permission to just be be you
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Eloise Tomkins: and build a business. That is you, because
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Eloise Tomkins: there is twofold. With that it gets to be enjoyable, and it gets to make you money.
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Eloise Tomkins: And if you want support to do that, if you, if you're sitting there thinking, oh, whatever it is that you're doing.
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Eloise Tomkins: I didn't even know who I am. I don't know what my business would look like.
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Eloise Tomkins: That is your sign to book a call with me and explore coaching, because
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Eloise Tomkins: that is often what a lot of my clients say, like, I know that there's something different out there, but I don't know what it is.
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Eloise Tomkins: Great. The I don't know is my specialty. I love the I don't knows. The I don't knows are my favorite thing. I don't give you the answer. By the way, I don't tell you what the answer is, because I don't know either.
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Eloise Tomkins: but what I am really good at is asking some really good questions that'll get you from I don't know to oh, my God!
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Eloise Tomkins: I have just so much clarity now, and it just makes so much sense.
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Eloise Tomkins: So
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Eloise Tomkins: if you are sitting in that space, let's have a chat, because that is exactly what I help women with
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Eloise Tomkins: on that note.
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Eloise Tomkins: I'm gonna go because I am freezing. I'm recording this in winter in Melbourne, and I am freezing, and I'm not wearing a jumper, which is my bad and my nervous system is telling me, Ellie, why did you not put a jumper on to record this? And I don't know. I'm questioning my own choices right now. But I'm glad that I jumped on and recorded this podcast
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Eloise Tomkins: despite the procrastination. I actually didn't know how this podcast was going to go. I just kind of had this rough idea of kind of spitballing
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Eloise Tomkins: about this topic, because.
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Eloise Tomkins: I'm, like, you know what I just need to let go and ditch the perfectionism. And
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Eloise Tomkins: here we are. So I hope that you enjoyed this episode as always. Send me a DM. On Insta. I love, love, love, love, love, hearing from you whether it's just
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Eloise Tomkins: something that sparked
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Eloise Tomkins: a thought or anything in you. I really love hearing it so hit me up on insta
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Eloise Tomkins: join the somatic money, reset or come have a chat about coaching they're your 3 options
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Eloise Tomkins: for today. I'm holding my fingers up. If you're watching on Youtube and I will see you all for another episode of the rich woman rising podcast next week. Until then, go, make some money.
