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Eloise Tomkins: Hello, welcome back to another episode of Rich Woman Rising. Podcast I'm your host, Eloise Tomkins, and I am a money mindset, coach and psychologist, and I love to help women to heal their nervous system response to money. And every time I say that I'm like, Gosh! That sounds so unsexy like. Wouldn't it be so much cooler if I said, I will give you affirmations that you can stand in front of your
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Eloise Tomkins: mirror and repeat, and oh, my goodness! That sounds so amazing, and it'll feel so nice! But it won't actually change anything for you, and you'll just go back to repeating the same old patterns, but won't know why
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Eloise Tomkins: I'm on a massive rant today, which is exactly what I want to talk about with you, because I see this so often, and it drives me absolutely bananas. And I thought, you know what I need to share this with you, because
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Eloise Tomkins: well, I hope it helps you. I hope it helps you to understand why you have tried a whole bunch of these things before, and maybe they haven't worked in the way that you have hoped, and
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Eloise Tomkins: I was reminded of this recently. Because one of my clients, said Ellie, I'm a part of it because a lot of my clients they'll work with me, one on one, and for the money mindset work and the identity work and the nervous system subconscious, rewiring.
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Eloise Tomkins: But they'll also be working with a business coach alongside right? Because I don't do the strategy. That's not my wheelhouse
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Eloise Tomkins: The strategy does become easier to implement through working together because the work that we do really clears up a lot of those mental blocks, it clears up that, overthinking, it allows space in the mind and the body.
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Eloise Tomkins: so that instead of getting caught up in all of those racing thoughts and overwhelm, it reduces that, and a lot of the time just makes your mind feel a lot clearer, so that you can actually implement the things that are being taught in the business coaching programs that people are a part of.
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Eloise Tomkins: But one of my clients came to me the other day, and was like
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Eloise Tomkins: Ellie. I asked my business coach a question, and I was given some pretty generic advice, and I see this quite a lot to be fair, and my my client was really frustrated because she's like, you know, I've tried all of this before, and I've asked this question, and no one in all of the business coaching that I have gone to has
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Eloise Tomkins: done anything different. They've just kept repeating the same thing. And so my clients like, well, what do I do with that like? I don't know what to do. And she was feeling super frustrated because she's like I know the advice that they're giving me. It doesn't feel like it's manageable for me to do right now, and what I realized is
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Eloise Tomkins: none of the coaches have ever asked what is getting in the way of you implementing that advice?
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Eloise Tomkins: What is holding you back from implementing? What is the point at which you feel that you can't do those things, and that they're not going to work for you in your business.
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Eloise Tomkins: No one has ever asked her that
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Eloise Tomkins: no one has ever asked either like.
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Eloise Tomkins: How does your body feel when you are going to do those things? How does how does it feel in your nervous system, and no one, no one asks that. They just give information. They give journaling prompts, you know, and they'll say, Hey.
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Eloise Tomkins: you can rewire your
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Eloise Tomkins: relationship with money. Here's some journaling prompts, and then you get awareness. You get knowledge. You get information
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Eloise Tomkins: which don't get me wrong like that can be really helpful, you know, and I'm not saying that these are bad things.
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Eloise Tomkins: but it's not taking it to that deeper layer. And then what I find is women blame themselves.
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Eloise Tomkins: And that's where I get angry because it is not
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Eloise Tomkins: a blame game in terms of us needing to blame ourselves. It is data. It is data. It's like, well, okay, these are the tools that I've been given.
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Eloise Tomkins: But actually, they're not allowing me to go to that deeper level. And you don't know that right, because nobody has shown us that deeper level. No one our parents didn't show us.
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Eloise Tomkins: Society doesn't show us like we get told, you know. Don't, don't go there.
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Eloise Tomkins: We actively get encouraged to not listen to our nervous system, to not listen to our bodies, to just do the practical things, and if we can do the practical things, then happy days awesome. So that's what we learn. We learn well.
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Eloise Tomkins: practicality doing the practical thing is going to get me a result.
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Eloise Tomkins: And so we keep chasing the practical thing again and again, and again and again, and then we wonder, well, why is this practical thing not working for me. What am I doing wrong? And because it goes against what we've learned about how the world works when we try and do the practical thing we're like. Well, it's not working for me. It must be me. It must be my fault.
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Eloise Tomkins: And these aren't usually always conscious beliefs that we have.
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Eloise Tomkins: But usually we have some awareness that we're the common denominator, right? Like we kind of see it in that way. I'm the common denominator. I'm not able to implement that strategy, or I'm not able to do this thing. I'm not able to reach those 20 K. Months. Therefore it must be me, because other people are doing it. I'm not, must be me. No, it's your nervous system, and your nervous system is wired to
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Eloise Tomkins: want to do more things. And I see this. I actually.
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Eloise Tomkins: I remember one client working as a psychologist, and they would love to journal, love to write things down.
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Eloise Tomkins: And I remember that they would always come in with their journal, and this wasn't uncommon. You know. I've had a lot of clients that would do this, and
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Eloise Tomkins: it was a really helpful way for them to actually stay disconnected from themselves.
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Eloise Tomkins: even though it looked like they were really reflecting, and that they were doing a lot of deep work because they were having some really powerful awareness, breakthroughs and insights.
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Eloise Tomkins: I remember there was one time I said to them, I'm like, Hmm, so there's a lot of awareness and insight.
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Eloise Tomkins: And have you actually felt the words that you're writing down like, have you? You say that you felt grief? You say that you felt sadness. Do you let yourself feel those things? What would it be like if you felt those things? And they were like.
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Eloise Tomkins: huh! No one's ever asked me that before, and no, they had not let themselves feel the feelings, and they were terrified of the feelings. And that is prime example of what we do. We think that because we know that we're feeling something or that because we're frustrated, or that things aren't working the way that we want
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Eloise Tomkins: that, because we know that that's enough. That's not how our nervous system works. Our nervous system doesn't respond to that kind of logic. It'd be amazing if it did. But it doesn't. It just doesn't work that way. And that is why a lot of us really love
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Eloise Tomkins: doing the things because it feels like, we're doing something. It feels like we're being productive. And gosh, as women, we love to feel like we're being productive
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Eloise Tomkins: and being productive actually is gonna be the thing that stops you from reaching your goals.
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Eloise Tomkins: It's wild, right? Like, how crazy does that sound? I know it sounds crazy.
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Eloise Tomkins: But if it worked
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Eloise Tomkins: and being productive, got you to where you want to be. Then all of the hours that you put into your business you would be a fucking millionaire by now. Maybe a bajillionaire who knows
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Eloise Tomkins: but it? It doesn't work, and you can keep
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Eloise Tomkins: trying to do the things that society has conditioned you to do.
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Eloise Tomkins: or you can look for a different way. And I already know that you've done that because you know the women who come to me, who find me, who enter my world. They have tried it all.
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Eloise Tomkins: they have tried mindset work, they have tried. Nlp, they have done the what are those? The Rtt. Or Rrts or rapid something somethings program breakthrough thingies. They have done spiritual coaching. They've done
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Eloise Tomkins: hypnosis. They have done eft tapping. They've done all of the stuff right, and I'm not saying that those things are bad. Let me just be clear on that. I'm not saying that those things are bad, or that people shouldn't do those things, or that they're not helpful. They absolutely are. Otherwise they wouldn't exist.
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Eloise Tomkins: But
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Eloise Tomkins: there is also for a lot of us some deeper stuff at play, and that's very normal. It doesn't mean that there's anything broken or anything wrong. It just means that we're human. We all have our stuff right, and we're all going to have kinks in our nervous system, and they're going to look different for all of us that are going to impact our
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Eloise Tomkins: income.
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Eloise Tomkins: that are all going to impact our ability to make money. And the reason for that is because, as women, society conditioning really wanting us to be productive, wanting us to be caretakers and to help other people at all costs. All of those things
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Eloise Tomkins: they amalgamate. They come together, and we don't even realize that they're there because it's just been a part of who we are for so long.
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Eloise Tomkins: Which is why I talk a lot about identity. And I talk a lot about how. If we want to create out the goals that we have logically for ourselves, we need to kind of reconstruct our identity. And it doesn't mean changing who we are. It doesn't mean changing our foundations. It just means
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Eloise Tomkins: letting go of some of that stuff that's actually not helping us, that we thought was helping us, but actually isn't.
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Eloise Tomkins: and that can be confronting sometimes, because sometimes
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Eloise Tomkins: opening our eyes up to what
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Eloise Tomkins: we thought was helpful, but is holding us back can feel
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Eloise Tomkins: like a slap in the face because we're like, Oh, why, why did I get stuck doing that for so many years?
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Eloise Tomkins: And I get it. You know, it's really frustrating. It's kind of like you have. The light shone on the problem. And you're like, Oh, my goodness, how did I not know that this was here? Well, you didn't know. And now you're building up some of that awareness, and then it becomes a choice. Do I want to explore that more? Or do I want to keep doing things the same way?
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Eloise Tomkins: And that's going to be a you decision right like, how do you want your life and your business and your impact to unfold. But what I know about a lot of the women that I work with is that they do want to make a massive impact on the world.
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Eloise Tomkins: and they can't do that
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Eloise Tomkins: by continuing to exist in old conditioning. They can't do that by writing in their journal every morning and saying, Yeah, this is the month that I'm going to have my 20 K. Months. It comes from
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Eloise Tomkins: being willing to sit in the discomfort of change and doing something different.
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Eloise Tomkins: It comes from being able to recognize that even though affirmations might feel productive.
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Eloise Tomkins: the productiveness is actually going to hold you back, and you don't have to actually work hard to reach your goals, I mean, yes, you have to work, but you don't have to work as hard as you have been, because your nervous system is just going to get burnt out and overrun, and when your nervous system burnt out and overrun, you're not going to get anything done, because, like it's frazzled. It's fried, you know, like it's kind of just way too much for your nervous system to handle. And that just doesn't sound fun.
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Eloise Tomkins: So what I'm really hoping that you
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Eloise Tomkins: take away what I really want to have you understand is that it is not about
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Eloise Tomkins: strategy affirmations doing more because those things don't work, those things can absolutely supplement.
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Eloise Tomkins: And if you're not aligned, if your identity isn't aligned, if your nervous system is not aligned. Then it doesn't really matter
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Eloise Tomkins: what you do or say, because they're operating on, you know, 2 different 2 different levels.
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Eloise Tomkins: I'm trying to think of an analogy. You know it's kind of like
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Eloise Tomkins: You might be in the same household.
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Eloise Tomkins: but your logical mind is upstairs, and your nervous system is downstairs.
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Eloise Tomkins: and there's no stairs connecting the 2, so you can't communicate between the lower level and the upper level.
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Eloise Tomkins: And so your logical brain is trying to say, Yeah, I want to make more money, and your nervous system's like, no, we're good. I'm so fine down here. I don't want to go anywhere. I'm just going to stay right here. Your logical mind's like, yeah, but I want to go on a holiday. And I want to have 7 figures. And I want to buy a yacht, and your nervous system's like.
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Eloise Tomkins: Can't hear you. I don't know what you're saying. Doesn't doesn't feel like that's anything to do with me? And we'll just continue to rain
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Eloise Tomkins: your conscious mind back in. So, through being able to regulate our nervous system, which is why I've got the regulate to riches program. We build those steps in into the house. So those
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Eloise Tomkins: 2 parts can communicate with each other, and they're not just operating from
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Eloise Tomkins: disconnect, they feel connected, they feel aligned. It doesn't feel like they're not talking to each other, because at the moment they're not, and when they're not talking to each other. That's where your goals become disaligned, unaligned. They're not. They're not
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Eloise Tomkins: aligned. That was so inarticulate. Hopefully you get the gist of what I was trying to say with that. So that is why I hop on about the nervous system, and you can change it. You can build that set of stairs, you can regulate your nervous system, and then, when they're able to communicate, there's more leeway. And in terms of the goals that you are able to create for yourself, and
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Eloise Tomkins: that is the work that is the most important. So if you have ever felt like what's wrong with me, why can't I just reach my goals. It's probably because your nervous system is not regulated, and if you want to learn more how to regulate it, go check out, regulate to riches, because, seriously, that is the foundational point. Anyway.
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Eloise Tomkins: I hope that you enjoyed this episode, and if you know anyone that would benefit from learning more about how to shift their relationship with money, even though all of the things that they've tried haven't really stuck, flick them, the link to the podcast because. The more
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Eloise Tomkins: is that get on board with this, podcast. The more people that I can help, the bigger impact that I have, the more women that are able to make more money because their nervous systems are regulated. So give it a share. And if you did like this episode, then please leave a review as well, alrighty, that's all from me for this week, and I can't wait to chat to you all again next week. Until then. Take care
