Eloise Tomkins: Hello, Hello! Welcome back to another episode of the rich woman rising. Podcast I'm your host, Eloise Tomkins. And I'm a money confidence coach and psychologist. And I love helping women
Eloise Tomkins: to heal their relationship with money using body-based techniques.
Eloise Tomkins: And today I want to talk to you about
Eloise Tomkins: a skill that many of us might be missing which might be impacting how much money we're making in our business, which is setting boundaries.
Eloise Tomkins: I don't know about you, but I know that I have seen women before who have been so confident and self assured, and they've walked into meetings, and they've owned the space that they're in. They've been able to just command respect from other people
Eloise Tomkins: without even trying.
Eloise Tomkins: And I remember looking at them and being like, what is it that you have that I don't have.
Eloise Tomkins: How are you doing that?
Eloise Tomkins: And now I've learned through my own journey, with boundary setting and self-worth that it comes down to being able to set a boundary.
Eloise Tomkins: and when we're setting boundaries we are owning our worth. We are owning the fact that we're worthy of setting that boundary.
Eloise Tomkins: It's a wild concept. Well, it was a wild concept to me.
Eloise Tomkins: So I want to share a little bit of that with you, because
Eloise Tomkins: I hate the advice, fake it till you make it.
Eloise Tomkins: I think that is the shittest advice, because
Eloise Tomkins: what does that even mean? Fake what? Until you make it
Eloise Tomkins: don't get me wrong. I think that it's helpful to do things and try them out.
Eloise Tomkins: but I don't think that you can fake confidence.
Eloise Tomkins: I think that you really need to embody that confidence.
Eloise Tomkins: and I guess it has its merit in some ways, because we can take small actions and build them up over time.
Eloise Tomkins: But I don't know when I think of fake it till you make it. I think back to one boss that I had.
Eloise Tomkins: and she was intimidating. I was intimidated by her.
Eloise Tomkins: and we worked in a pretty male, dominated industry
Eloise Tomkins: and well, at least at the senior levels. Anyway, in the junior levels, which was me. There were quite a few women who were doing the grunt work, but in terms of senior leadership it was very male dominated.
Eloise Tomkins: and I remember that she would walk into meetings.
Eloise Tomkins: and she would be loud, and she would be opinionated, and she would be on top of things.
Eloise Tomkins: And I used to think that that was assertiveness. I used to think that she was confident.
Eloise Tomkins: but what I realized I wasn't a psychologist at that point in time.
Eloise Tomkins: The reason I share. That is because now, having worked with so many women in a space as a psychologist, I get to see their really vulnerable moments.
Eloise Tomkins: And I've worked with a lot of Ceos and business owners and people, women earning a lot of money. So I've seen the vulnerabilities that come with that. And I now look at her and how she was.
Eloise Tomkins: And I'm like, Wow, you're actually, really insecure.
Eloise Tomkins: And you were trying really hard to prove that you belonged in that space. And I think a lot of women can relate to that particularly male dominated industries where we feel like we have to work hard to make sure that we are accepted and believed and fit in and are confident.
Eloise Tomkins: so that we're not overshadowed and like that's a whole separate issue in and of itself, which
Eloise Tomkins: is kind of that, fake it till we make it thing right, because
Eloise Tomkins: she's not actually feeling that confidence within her.
Eloise Tomkins: She's baking it, but she never actually made it, because she never actually felt truly worthy.
Eloise Tomkins: And that's the difference. I actually want you to feel worthy.
Eloise Tomkins: I don't want you to be able to do the things.
Eloise Tomkins: but still feel shit inside and unworthy and undeserving, because that kind of sucks I want you to have both. I want you to be able to go and set a boundary and do the thing
Eloise Tomkins: and feel good about yourself on the inside, knowing that you actually deserve to be doing that and taking up that space, having those conversations, being able to handle those conversations without feeling like you need to put on this assertive front or this assertive mask
Eloise Tomkins: to be able to cope with
Eloise Tomkins: the difficult things that come up.
Eloise Tomkins: So how do boundaries impact our relationship with money, anyway?
Eloise Tomkins: Well, boundaries, boundaries are things that we limits that we have.
Eloise Tomkins: and our boundaries can be time, boundaries, emotional boundaries, physical boundaries, sexual boundaries.
Eloise Tomkins: gosh! Now I've lost, like all of the different types of boundaries like we have so many like, there are so many different types of boundaries that we can have.
Eloise Tomkins: and
Eloise Tomkins: when we don't know what our time boundaries are, or when we break our time, boundaries, or our energetic boundaries, or our spiritual boundaries.
Eloise Tomkins: and we let them leak over because we feel guilty.
Eloise Tomkins: Oh, well, I've only billed that client for an hour, even though the work took me Ā h.
Eloise Tomkins: That's a time Boundary leak, or and I used to do this I would listen to friends
Eloise Tomkins: would go out for dinner, and they would talk, talk, talk, talk about themselves.
Eloise Tomkins: and I would barely get a word in. They would feel energized because they've gotten everything off their chest, and I would leave feeling exhausted.
Eloise Tomkins: That's an emotional and spiritual boundary, because I was not pausing the conversation.
Eloise Tomkins: and they were just taking everything that I had, and I was giving it to them.
Eloise Tomkins: So, being able to understand boundaries, what the different types of boundaries, what boundaries are.
Eloise Tomkins: how to identify what our boundaries is is super important.
Eloise Tomkins: So that you can recognize. Okay.
Eloise Tomkins: I've quoted this person for Ā h of work, and
Eloise Tomkins: now that I've started it, it's going to probably take me Ā h.
Eloise Tomkins: I'm gonna reach out to them and say, hey? Actually, now that I've looked at the request in more detail, I know that I quoted you for Ā h. However, I've realized that it's still it's actually gonna take me around
Eloise Tomkins: the new prices. Da-da-da.
Eloise Tomkins: Is that okay? Do you still want me to proceed
Eloise Tomkins: rather than just doing the work, charging the hour. Then, feeling resentful that your boundary has been violated.
Eloise Tomkins: or going out for dinner with a friend
Eloise Tomkins: listening to them vent, and then not saying anything
Eloise Tomkins: so that can play out in lots of different ways, as well, you know, and it correlates with your wealth, because if we're doing things like like the undercharging
Eloise Tomkins: and not going back to them, or you know, it might be the other thing of over delivering, or
Eloise Tomkins: you might be taking on other people's financial responsibilities in your business.
Eloise Tomkins: or you might find yourself people pleasing.
Eloise Tomkins: doing things that you don't particularly want to do.
Eloise Tomkins: Someone might ask you to do something
Eloise Tomkins: and like go out to an event. But you had plans to work on your business, or
Eloise Tomkins: your business might need you in some way that's not urgent. But you feel this sense of pressure that you're the CEO of your business. Therefore you need to deal with it then and there.
Eloise Tomkins: missing that experience with your family, even though you could have let it go.
Eloise Tomkins: or you might find yourself saying Yes
Eloise Tomkins: without thinking, this is a common one. Someone will ask you something, and they'll say, Hey, can you do this? And you say yes
Eloise Tomkins: without thinking. And then you think, Oh, my goodness, why did I do that?
Eloise Tomkins: That's a really common one that I see because we don't pause when someone asks something, we just automatically respond.
Eloise Tomkins: and that can all get in the way of your wealth because
Eloise Tomkins: your energy is being zapped, your time's being zapped. Your
Eloise Tomkins: physical energy is being zapped. Your emotional energy is being zapped.
Eloise Tomkins: and you're not filling that container.
Eloise Tomkins: The thing that wealthy people know
Eloise Tomkins: who also feel good about themselves is that it's okay to set boundaries.
Eloise Tomkins: And you know, it's really interesting, because I remember when I was st learning about boundaries, because I grew up in a home where there were no boundaries. But I didn't. I was not allowed to have my own boundaries.
Eloise Tomkins: This is a gross story incoming, so please close your ears if you don't like hearing gross stories.
Eloise Tomkins: but I remember times in my childhood, where
Eloise Tomkins: there were periods where I funny, I use the word periods. There were times when I would have my period as a kid, as a young child.
Eloise Tomkins: and
Eloise Tomkins: I would leave my pad on the in the bathroom while I was having a shower. So I was in the bathroom. I was having a shower, and I was nervous about like leaving blood everywhere in the toilet, so I would leave my pad like just in my underwear on the bathroom floor
Eloise Tomkins: and up, waiting to deal with it until I'd showered.
Eloise Tomkins: and my mom would come in and see it on the floor, and would then wrap it up for me, and I remember hating that because
Eloise Tomkins: as a kid, I was insecure about my body going through puberty. And then had Mom come into the shower, and just like.
Eloise Tomkins: Take my pad, my bloody pad from the floor and deal with it.
Eloise Tomkins: And it didn't matter how many times I said, don't do that. She still would.
Eloise Tomkins: or the time that my boyfriend at the time wrote me a love letter, and Mom went into my room cleaning air quotes cleaning.
Eloise Tomkins: and somehow the letter that was in my drawer that
Eloise Tomkins: I'd kind of put away in a safe place somehow ended up in the garbage bin with coffee all over it.
Eloise Tomkins: and I was like, how did that happen? Like there were just no boundaries? There was no space for me to explore
Eloise Tomkins: my own boundaries and become my own separate person.
Eloise Tomkins: And when we don't have that opportunity as kids, it can be really difficult as an adult to kind of be able to set some of those boundaries because
Eloise Tomkins: we don't know how.
Eloise Tomkins: so I didn't know how, so I remember for me st starting to explore the concept of boundaries.
Eloise Tomkins: I remember in this one workplace that I was at was such a small example.
Eloise Tomkins: but I felt so proud of myself, and I was like. Oh, my gosh!
Eloise Tomkins: I'm that woman who other people look at and command like they see that respect.
Eloise Tomkins: What happened
Eloise Tomkins: is, I was sitting down at a table at lunch, and I had my lip gloss on the table.
Eloise Tomkins: and another girl reached over to take my lip, lip gloss off the table.
Eloise Tomkins: and she went to start opening the tube to use the lip gloss.
Eloise Tomkins: And in the past I wouldn't have liked someone doing this.
Eloise Tomkins: but I would have let it happen, because it would have been easier to do that than say something.
Eloise Tomkins: because I didn't know that I could have said something. But at this point learning boundaries. So I said.
Eloise Tomkins: You know what?
Eloise Tomkins: I'd rather you didn't take my lip gloss without asking, please.
Eloise Tomkins: and I have never seen someone put a lip gloss down so fast.
Eloise Tomkins: and she looked at me, and she was like, Oh, my goodness, I'm so sorry!
Eloise Tomkins: She puts lip gloss down and kind of wiggles back in her chair, like just
Eloise Tomkins: shocked in a in a positive way, though.
Eloise Tomkins: and from that moment the dynamic of our relationship shifted.
Eloise Tomkins: She looked at me in a different way, and I could see it.
Eloise Tomkins: and it was I can't describe it. It was just this sense of knowing that
Eloise Tomkins: I had boundaries. She couldn't just
Eloise Tomkins: do what she wanted, and I would be okay with that there will limit.
Eloise Tomkins: And that said a lot about her own relationship with boundaries as much as it said, stuff about my relationship with boundaries.
Eloise Tomkins: And it was, it was a moment for me where I was like, wow!
Eloise Tomkins: This boundary stuff is really really powerful, and so we can
Eloise Tomkins: use our boundaries as a way to
Eloise Tomkins: create more money in her business.
Eloise Tomkins: Because if you think about time boundaries, for example.
Eloise Tomkins: and how many hours you might be working
Eloise Tomkins: is that allowing you to have the time that you want to spend elsewhere with your family
Eloise Tomkins: or your friends, or on hobbies?
Eloise Tomkins: Or is it keeping you chained to your business or money boundaries?
Eloise Tomkins: Are you finding that you're overspending?
Eloise Tomkins: Are you finding that you're giving money to family when they ask for it, because you have more than what they do.
Eloise Tomkins: and there's that sense of guilt around. But I have more, they have less, therefore I should
Eloise Tomkins: give them the money.
Eloise Tomkins: No, you get to have a boundary around money, too.
Eloise Tomkins: You might have relationship boundaries around who your friendships are. How long you spend with them. For example.
Eloise Tomkins: the friend that I spoke of earlier I had conversation with her.
Eloise Tomkins: When we'll go out for dinner, I would say things like, Okay, I can only talk about this topic for Ā min. You've got Ā min, Max.
Eloise Tomkins: Then we need to change to a different topic.
Eloise Tomkins: And it's not easy. However, it's funny how people respond when you share those boundaries with them.
Eloise Tomkins: unless they're toxic family members. Then sometimes that can be really hard, and that's a whole separate kettle of fish
Eloise Tomkins: communication boundaries
Eloise Tomkins: in terms of the tone of voice. And how people speak to you, for example, if you're
Eloise Tomkins: employees are speaking to you rudely, and I had a client where she said to me that
Eloise Tomkins: there was one employee. It was her and her husband and running a business together, and they had a handful of employees.
Eloise Tomkins: and she said that one of the employees would
Eloise Tomkins: completely ignore what she said, completely ignore what ever feedback she had.
Eloise Tomkins: But when her husband spoke to the employee.
Eloise Tomkins: who was also a male, the employee was male.
Eloise Tomkins: the employee would do it. No questions asked.
Eloise Tomkins: and so communication boundaries is around. Well, you know. Hey?
Eloise Tomkins: I'm also your boss, you you have to listen to both of us, and if they're not listening, then
Eloise Tomkins: with boundaries, you get to decide what the consequence of them not meeting that boundary is. It doesn't mean that you change your boundary.
Eloise Tomkins: or you keep reinforcing it.
Eloise Tomkins: or you keep telling the person what the boundary is, and that's something I see over and over again is, people will say, well, I've told them my boundary.
Eloise Tomkins: and they're not listening to it.
Eloise Tomkins: Oh, I can't say this enough. It is not up to the other person to adhere to your boundary.
Eloise Tomkins: It is up to you to manage the consequence.
Eloise Tomkins: If they do not.
Eloise Tomkins: or are not able to follow through on that boundary, I'll come back to that in a moment.
Eloise Tomkins: because there are also energy boundaries.
Eloise Tomkins: you know, like thinking about the different types of boundaries. There are energy boundaries. How's your energy?
Eloise Tomkins: You're getting enough sleep. You're going to bed with enough time you're eating.
Eloise Tomkins: You're giving yourself enough time to rest.
Eloise Tomkins: These are all boundaries that are going to help you build your wealth.
Eloise Tomkins: But boundaries are important.
Eloise Tomkins: Coming back to the idea, though, of
Eloise Tomkins: how we share boundaries with other people.
Eloise Tomkins: My gosh, it's a it's a complex one, because
Eloise Tomkins: we have this expectation that if we tell someone what our boundary is, they're just gonna listen.
Eloise Tomkins: And I mean gosh
Eloise Tomkins: in an ideal world. Wouldn't that be amazing like we just tell someone something and they listen and they change their behavior
Eloise Tomkins: like amazing. That'd be so good. Don't think I've ever met that I don't think that's ever happened before.
Eloise Tomkins: like
Eloise Tomkins: I don't know. I just don't know. I don't know that that's possible, because we get set in our ways. That's just is what it is.
Eloise Tomkins: And if that person is important enough to us, then, you know, we'll think well, how can I shift that
Eloise Tomkins: behavior around so that the other person feels supported
Eloise Tomkins: sometimes the other person is important to us, but they just they can't. They're incapable of meeting that boundary
Eloise Tomkins: and that kind of falls into like toxic family patterns.
Eloise Tomkins: So, for example, with my mom.
Eloise Tomkins: I had an experience a few years ago, where she really overstepped one of my boundaries.
Eloise Tomkins: And it was a communication boundary, and she said, some really inappropriate stuff to me, and I was like I.
Eloise Tomkins: You need to apologize, and if you don't apologize.
Eloise Tomkins: then my response is going to be that I'm not going to talk to you.
Eloise Tomkins: because that was incredibly hurtful, and she didn't apologize.
Eloise Tomkins: And that was okay, because my consequence was.
Eloise Tomkins: I haven't spoken to her since.
Eloise Tomkins: and that sounds really extreme. However, there's a history. There's a long history of other boundary violations
Eloise Tomkins: that I didn't follow through on.
Eloise Tomkins: and that was just the icing on the cake, and
Eloise Tomkins: I think family can be really tough, you might have a different relationship. I hope you have a different relationship with your family, where, if you were to share a boundary.
Eloise Tomkins: they would listen and respect that you might not. And that's okay as well.
Eloise Tomkins: What I want you to take away from this, though, is that boundary setting is up to you, you to set, and yours to uphold.
Eloise Tomkins: None of the responsibility falls on the other person.
Eloise Tomkins: They get a choice.
Eloise Tomkins: You might set a boundary and say, Hey.
Eloise Tomkins: I don't like it when you speak to me like that.
Eloise Tomkins: and I really need you to
Eloise Tomkins: use softer language. I need you to not swear. I need you to not throw the F bomb around.
Eloise Tomkins: and they're either going to do that or they're not, and if they don't.
Eloise Tomkins: then it's up to you to decide. Okay? Well, how many times am I going to remind them of my boundary
Eloise Tomkins: before it reaches a point that
Eloise Tomkins: they're not going to change their behavior. They might not be able to, they might not be willing.
Eloise Tomkins: What is your consequence then going to be for that?
Eloise Tomkins: And that becomes up to you to follow through with. And I think this is where people get really
Eloise Tomkins: stuck with boundaries, because we then think
Eloise Tomkins: well, I've shared my boundary, and I keep sharing my boundary. They're not listening, but this is my boundary.
Eloise Tomkins: and it's a them thing that they need to fix.
Eloise Tomkins: No, it it becomes a you thing.
Eloise Tomkins: Well, what is the consequence if they are not able to follow through on that boundary?
Eloise Tomkins: And I think that's a difficult thing, because often. That's where another piece of conflict can come up
Eloise Tomkins: in the sense of. Well, now, I have to say to that person, hey? You're not, you know you're not. I'm noticing that you're finding it really hard.
Eloise Tomkins: And actually.
Eloise Tomkins: I'm gonna have to fire you because you keep throwing the F bomb around. And I've said, please don't do that
Eloise Tomkins: like that's a really really tough situation to be in, so hence why, boundaries are tough.
Eloise Tomkins: and if you kind of look at it from the bigger picture, you might be able to see that.
Eloise Tomkins: being able to one know what your boundaries are, and being able to communicate them, and then following through on the consequences of people who are not able to adhere to your boundaries in the way that you need them to
Eloise Tomkins: becomes difficult, and is why people who
Eloise Tomkins: do have a strong sense of self-worth are able to implement them easily, because they know that
Eloise Tomkins: they're worthy enough to be spoken to with respect. If they request that
Eloise Tomkins: that if that person values them enough
Eloise Tomkins: they will do their best to shift their behavior. It doesn't mean that person's going to get it right all the time.
Eloise Tomkins: like if that person's used to throwing it like, I swear
Eloise Tomkins: you know, I was at a networking event, and I'm throwing the F bombs around, and I'm like whoops, Ellie, like, Stop! What are you doing?
Eloise Tomkins: And I don't mean to like it's I know it's just become part of my DNA. I actually used to the reason that I swear or swore used to swear so much was because it would really annoy my dad.
Eloise Tomkins: and it was something that he couldn't control about me. But now it's become habitual, and I catch myself, and I'm like, Oh.
Eloise Tomkins: oh, but it's become so habitual that I forget
Eloise Tomkins: because it was one thing like he tried to tell me how to be, and I was like, no, you know you can't. You don't have that control. And anyway, I'm going down a bit of a rabbit hole there. So
Eloise Tomkins: I guess, thinking about your own boundaries and thinking about.
Eloise Tomkins: What you would like them to be.
Eloise Tomkins: and our emotions often guide our boundaries. So if you're feeling anxious, if you're feeling stressed, if you're feeling guilty if you're feeling angry.
Eloise Tomkins: if you're feeling resentful, if you're feeling irritated, if you're feeling
Eloise Tomkins: I don't know. I can't think of the emotions that I've just kind of listed off.
Eloise Tomkins: I don't want to double up on them.
Eloise Tomkins: They communicate that you may have had a boundary violated.
Eloise Tomkins: and if you don't know what that boundary is, then it can be difficult to interpret those emotions, because our emotions are just like guides.
Eloise Tomkins: They're just saying, Hello! Here's some information. Please use me so that you can live as peacefully as possible.
Eloise Tomkins: That's all emotions, really. Do they just communicate to us.
Eloise Tomkins: and they communicate what our boundaries are, and they might be different from what you think, like the amount of times that
Eloise Tomkins: I have seen people who have said
Eloise Tomkins: they felt a particular way, and it's because a boundary has been violated. But they haven't realized it is quite common.
Eloise Tomkins: I want to also acknowledge that people will push back
Eloise Tomkins: on your boundaries, particularly people who you've had a relationship with for a while. They can find it hard, because essentially, when you set boundaries with people. They
Eloise Tomkins: don't know how to navigate that, because you're trying to change that dynamic of your relationship.
Eloise Tomkins: And I see this all the time, like where you're trying to set a boundary.
Eloise Tomkins: And the other person's like, huh?
Eloise Tomkins: No, that's not how we do things in this relationship.
Eloise Tomkins: And it's not a conscious thing from their perspective. They're just operating on autopilot. But it's new, it's unusual. And they're like what's going on.
Eloise Tomkins: And it can cause a little bit of friction. So
Eloise Tomkins: that's where it can be helpful to acknowledge that.
Eloise Tomkins: Okay, I'm trying something new. I'm changing how I'm responding and what my boundaries are, and
Eloise Tomkins: hence why we need to reinforce it and just say, Hey, actually.
Eloise Tomkins: I'm going to stop working at pm. And I'm not staying back late.
Eloise Tomkins: I remember when one of my clients did this. Actually, this is when I was working.
Eloise Tomkins: Oh, gosh! Several years ago, as a psychologist, and one of my clients would work until like late night, and she hated it hated working late at night.
Eloise Tomkins: and we explored boundaries and the whole concept of boundaries, and her mind was just like blown wide open.
Eloise Tomkins: and not only would she work late at night, she wouldn't take a lunch break, and we kind of explored time, boundaries
Eloise Tomkins: and energy boundaries, and she was like, Oh, my goodness, this is like amazing!
Eloise Tomkins: And she started finishing work earlier, and she was able to go to like
Eloise Tomkins: tennis lessons after work, which is something that she'd wanted to do for the longest time, but wasn't able to, because she was working so late.
Eloise Tomkins: So you can actually get a lot of pleasure from setting these boundaries.
Eloise Tomkins: So I hope this episode has helped you to understand
Eloise Tomkins: that you are deserving of setting boundaries
Eloise Tomkins: and a way to start setting them
Eloise Tomkins: can be like small. It can be small boundaries. It doesn't have to be this huge thing
Eloise Tomkins: of like I know the st boundary set is, I'm not spending Christmas with your family this year
Eloise Tomkins: like that's big.
Eloise Tomkins: Maybe that will be something you work towards, and maybe the boundary is, I'm going to
Eloise Tomkins: drive separately to your family's house this year.
Eloise Tomkins: so that if I need to leave because my
Eloise Tomkins: energy boundary gets depleted quickly, then I can do that.
Eloise Tomkins: or maybe your boundary is going to be.
Eloise Tomkins: I'm not going to drink alcohol at family Christmas this year.
Eloise Tomkins: and I'm going to drink soda, soda water or diet coke, or whatever.
Eloise Tomkins: and people might ask you, hey, drink coke or alcohol, and you might say, No, no, thank you, I don't want that.
Eloise Tomkins: So it doesn't have to be huge, or even in your business. I've got Christmas on my mind because I just bought a Christmas tree one of those like little Christmas trees, and I've been like itching to decorate it. All the Christmas examples are coming out, but it might be things like spending money on gifts for clients or employees.
Eloise Tomkins: and you might have found something really great for a client that's double the budget that you wanted to spend.
Eloise Tomkins: And so your money boundary might be like, Oh, I really like that. But unfortunately it's outside my budget.
Eloise Tomkins: Or it might be that you
Eloise Tomkins: have closed your professional development budget.
Eloise Tomkins: And you're like, you know what? There's this really great professional development. However, we've closed the budget for this year, not doing that
Eloise Tomkins: and being able to own your decisions, own the boundaries that you have yourself, so that your
Eloise Tomkins: able to make decisions that feel really aligned for you.
Eloise Tomkins: And when you start with those smaller boundaries.
Eloise Tomkins: Then, like, for example, a smaller boundary might be, you go and get like you buy your team a coffee every day, which is, I don't know
Eloise Tomkins: bucks, but that's daily, and it's eating into your profits.
Eloise Tomkins: You might pull that boundary back and say, I'm only going to do that once a week.
Eloise Tomkins: For example, you can start your boundaries at whatever feels
Eloise Tomkins: okay for you. And then, as you get more and more confident, so now, my lip gloss
Eloise Tomkins: that wouldn't even be a thing
Eloise Tomkins: like I could have my lip gloss on the table, and I guarantee you like no one would touch it.
Eloise Tomkins: because I now come across as don't fuck with me, not in a
Eloise Tomkins: rude way, but in a self assured, confident.
Eloise Tomkins: I know who I am way, and
Eloise Tomkins: I can't imagine anyone reaching across and doing that.
Eloise Tomkins: because, as your confidence with setting boundaries grows, people will see that people will see that shift in your energy.
Eloise Tomkins: People will see it in the way that you hold yourself in the way that you talk.
Eloise Tomkins: in the way that you look. Maybe in the way that you dress.
Eloise Tomkins: and if somebody did reach across for my lip balm now.
Eloise Tomkins: I wouldn't be waiting until they'd like unscrewed the lid.
Eloise Tomkins: I like would say something as soon as I saw them eyeball it.
Eloise Tomkins: because I know that I'm deserving of being able to set that boundary
Eloise Tomkins: and being able to have, like a boundary. Rich environment is healthy.
Eloise Tomkins: It enables you to really know who you are and is then going to help you achieve your
Eloise Tomkins: financial goals because you're not leaking all of this time energy, money, spirituality everywhere
Eloise Tomkins: to people and things and situations that quite frankly don't deserve it.
Eloise Tomkins: You're allowed to hold that within yourself, and maintain your energy and your composure, and your peace, and your well-being and boundaries help you do that.
Eloise Tomkins: So I hope this episode has really helped you to unpack boundaries a little bit more help you think about what your boundaries are, help you realize that you are worthy and deserving of setting those boundaries
Eloise Tomkins: and lean into the discomfort of setting them
Eloise Tomkins: cause I guarantee you, the other person on the other end is also gonna feel a little bit discomfortable. I was going to say uncomfortable.
Eloise Tomkins: And that's okay. It's okay to disappoint people. It's okay. If they don't like your boundary. Your job is not to please other people.
Eloise Tomkins: Your job is not to protect the emotions of other people.
Eloise Tomkins: and I think that is something that we need. Really, we need to unlearn.
Eloise Tomkins: So with all that being said, thank you for listening to this episode of the rich woman rising podcast. And if you want to learn and unpack
Eloise Tomkins: more about your
Eloise Tomkins: money blocks, and if you want to unpack, how you can crack the code to wealth so that you can
Eloise Tomkins: grow your revenue so that you can heal your relationship with money so that you can really understand your subconscious blocks. Then I really encourage you to check out the secret podcast which I'm going to drop in the show notes for you, you can register for that and get access to that exclusive podcast which will dive deep into more of that psychology and subconscious reprogramming which
Eloise Tomkins: I love so much. Okay, on that note. I'm gonna let you go, and I will chat to you all again next week.
