Eloise Tomkins: Welcome to another episode of the Rich Woman Rising podcast I'm your host, Eloise Tomkins. And I help women heal their relationship with money using body based techniques
Eloise Tomkins: today, though, is a little bit of a different episode, because I wanted to bring in some exceptional women to talk about their relationship with money, because.
Eloise Tomkins: gosh! There is a lot that underpins our relationship with money. And today I have an incredible guest who I am so excited to meet just before the show started recording, we were talking about how we met and how I turned around and saw her with her beautiful Pom Pom Singlet. And that is how we initially connected. And from there
Eloise Tomkins: we're now talking money. So I'm super excited today to bring Mary fucking Miller to the stage. And Mary is an amazing. I cannot even tell you how amazing she is at branding and event photography, capturing all of the fun that we have at all of the different events.
Eloise Tomkins: She is just such an energetic bundle of fabulousness, and really knows how to get into the heart of capturing the joy at the events, and honestly like. If I
Eloise Tomkins: could have that creative bone, Mary, I would love it. But I'm so grateful for you to be on the show to talk about money. And do you want to tell us a little bit about your background, how you got into event photography and a little bit about you, and who you are.
Mary Miller: Yeah. Awesome firstly, Hi, Hello, hello, so
Mary Miller: I have to go back about years, actually. And I had. I was working in like a retail job. And I had a kid had a kid, and it actually wasn't worth
Mary Miller: like the cost of childcare. And all of that. By the time I'd worked a Ā h week with my kid in childcare, and my partner was in the military at the time, so his income with Centerlink was a lot, and we had to.
Mary Miller: By the time I'd pay for childcare I'd be and something dollars in pocket, and it wasn't worth it. So I had always had an interest for photography. I had a camera. I picked it up, and I mean, I started doing $shoots
Mary Miller: here and there, and
Mary Miller: it just started the momentum started. I
Mary Miller: got my name out there, but you know, when you're doing that when you're doing that to make a little bit of extra cash you always start with the mindset of.
Mary Miller: It's just for a bit of cash. Who cares? No one cares who I am.
Mary Miller: And yeah, that's how it started.
Mary Miller: despite not being able to afford the childcare, really. And now here we are, years later, years later, and
Mary Miller: God, I still don't really believe it. To be honest.
Eloise Tomkins: Oh, and we're gonna unpack that because I think that is such a common
Eloise Tomkins: experience that women have. And and we're going to go more into your story. So I'm not gonna not gonna what are those things called on the shows spoilers? I'm not gonna spoil. Give any spoilers at the moment. But
Eloise Tomkins: it's really interesting that years later, and the success that you've built in your business.
Mary Miller: Hmm.
Eloise Tomkins: Starting from that mindset of oh, it's just a little bit of extra cash.
Eloise Tomkins: Yeah. And I'm sure a lot of people can relate to that, because a lot of women kind of do start their business with the idea of oh, I just want to replace my to salary, and if I can replace my to salary, I'll be happy.
Mary Miller: Yeah.
Eloise Tomkins: And.
Mary Miller: It's hard because it's like,
Mary Miller: I mean that to salary. I was working at a photo center in Harvey Norman, and that to salary was $a week, right? And I was working Ā HA week, and at that point
Mary Miller: it wasn't even it wasn't even a choice like I would love.
Mary Miller: You know. I hear lots of stories of women who are like, Oh, I'm going to bite the bullet. I'm going to quit my job, and I'm just going to do it.
Mary Miller: And for me it was like.
Mary Miller: I actually, it's not actually physically worth my time
Mary Miller: to do that and to
Mary Miller: have that like I have to do it.
Mary Miller: So
Mary Miller: yeah.
Mary Miller: yeah.
Eloise Tomkins: Well, I think money is such a survival tool like we need it.
Eloise Tomkins: you know we can't. And I've heard stories, too, where they're like, oh, I can't. I can't with my corporate anymore. I just have to get out.
Eloise Tomkins: And that is a very privileged place to be in for a lot of people, and and if you are in that position, that's great, you know. That's fantastic. Good for you. Use that privilege at the same time, it's not a privilege that everybody else has. I know for myself, it's certainly not a privilege that I have.
Eloise Tomkins: and
Eloise Tomkins: money is important. Money is something that we need to pay for ourselves, to pay for our family and our childcare, and then being left like with far out $a week, or whatever you know.
Mary Miller: Fun.
Eloise Tomkins: I'm imagining. It's probably, you know. That's nothing.
Mary Miller: Yeah, especially when you you know that the element of okay. Well, then, my baby is now in childcare. I'm not with my baby for Ā HA day, and I'm working
Mary Miller: like a dog for what? $like it. Just it just didn't make physical sense. I also have to take mention that the women who do quit their job and go. I'm gonna like, you know, fight or flight. I'm gonna make it work. I'm going to do it. I'm really hungry for it.
Mary Miller: I was a little bit on the opposite end of the spectrum, where, you know, I'd had the conversation with my husband like, is it actually worth me doing that? I'll admit I had the safety blanket of a military wage coming into our family right? So I was hungry, but I wasn't like it's do or die right.
Eloise Tomkins: Hmm.
Mary Miller: Which is a
Mary Miller: which is sort of like a little bit of a different circumstance. It's like, if I make a hundred bucks here. Great if I make bucks there. Fantastic, but we would have survived
Mary Miller: regardless right. It wasn't ideal to be off one wage.
Eloise Tomkins: Hmm.
Mary Miller: But we were, okay.
Eloise Tomkins: We all have our different circumstances, and all, like all of our circumstances, are going to be so unique, like my circumstances, so different to that. I didn't have a partner. I didn't have family. It's just me. And but then there are also women like yourself who do have a partner that they can fall back on, or might not be ideal. But there's kind of like you said that safety blanket.
Eloise Tomkins: But at the end of the day it is safety. Money is safety, money is security, and that's kind of why we do have such a emotional attachment to it, because.
Mary Miller: Yeah.
Eloise Tomkins: We need it literally to survive like.
Mary Miller: Yeah, correct. I had this moment. You know I'd
Mary Miller: so my daughter was born in So years later I'd had you know I had momentum, and I had connections, you know. At this, at this point in my career I had met the beautiful Emma Isaacs from business chicks, and we'd had collaborations together. And I. That's how I
Mary Miller: met a lot of strong, empowered women and did that, and then surprise, surprise, Covid hits, and in my line of industry
Mary Miller: I mainly started with weddings, so I did a lot of events, but weddings for me were my bread and butter and
Mary Miller: eat
Mary Miller: was hard, when suddenly, you know, I had taken on like $deposits for people who have, you know, $invoices with me. And suddenly they're cancelling suddenly. It's like I had nothing in my contract about. Append a global pandemic. Am I giving back this money? Are we? Am I saying to people?
Mary Miller: I'll keep your money. But let's you know, when you're ready to get married, let's get married right. There were all these things, where suddenly I
Mary Miller: got the momentum of my business, and then it was completely shut down, and
Mary Miller: that was really hard to come through. But I will admit
Mary Miller: I actually made the most money I've ever made
Mary Miller: in Covid
Mary Miller: coming out of Covid with people
Mary Miller: still putting down deposits.
Mary Miller: still reshuffling things.
Mary Miller: And then maybe there was an element of also not being able to go and spend money as well.
Mary Miller: Maybe.
Eloise Tomkins: Definitely.
Eloise Tomkins: I laugh because I think back to Covid, and like how people would have all these packages arriving at their door, and how the post offices inundated. So I laugh at that, thinking back to my experience where I was definitely one of the spenders in Covid. That's really interesting, though, and you're so right like the ebbs and flows of money. And I think that's something that a lot of business owners struggle with as well is that cash flow and the year to year, and there's that real sense of Oh, my goodness! What if everything that I've built up
Eloise Tomkins: will just fail and flop, and then I'll let them work.
Eloise Tomkins: Then.
Eloise Tomkins: you know, I've got accustomed to a particular lifestyle, and yes, I can imagine that Covid would be.
Eloise Tomkins: It would have been really hard, but it also sounds like for you. It was kind of ended up being a real positive. How did that
Eloise Tomkins: shift happen?
Mary Miller: and I like I'm not saying this was the right decision to make. But I ended up.
Mary Miller: I ended up taking some money out of my super, and I used that money to upskill my brand. So
Mary Miller: completely doing a rebrand, I was originally smile, darling photography. So I invested in a new logo I invested in a new website. I did all the things that I should have done at the very beginning, launching a business, and I spent that money doing that, and then coming out of Covid. It was like this whole new power of look at me! Look what I've got. Look what I can give you, and look how I can help you and serve you. And
Mary Miller: I think
Mary Miller: in Covid the best thing we all got given was time.
Eloise Tomkins: Yeah.
Mary Miller: I mean time with family, but time to actually sit and think. What? What do I want to do? What am I offering?
Mary Miller: What am I sitting here doing? And that momentum of those years? And that mindset of being like.
Mary Miller: okay, it's just bucks here. It's a hundred bucks here. Yeah, it's a couple of family shoots. Oh, I've got this and that. I kept that mindset
Mary Miller: the whole way through.
Mary Miller: I actually
Mary Miller: was physically like, Okay, I have to put down my camera. The government says I can't work.
Mary Miller: What should I be doing now?
Mary Miller: And how am I gonna do that? So
Mary Miller: getting the momentum and the money, the funds there to be able to change and rebrand.
Mary Miller: I just coming out of Covid looked like a professional. I'm in no way a professional. But my brand was Schmick. Everything was good like
Mary Miller: how it was.
Eloise Tomkins: Okay. So
Eloise Tomkins: for those of you who might be listening to this podcast for the st time, I forgot to mention at the start. I'm also a psychologist, and my brain just went. Hmm! That was really an interesting comment, Mary, can we unpack that? Because I'm so curious, you know, like, and because again, I think a lot of listeners will relate to this where there's this sense like your website is like you, said Schmick, like it's fucking brilliant if you haven't checked out her website.
Mary Miller: And.
Eloise Tomkins: Even if you're not into photography, go and have a look, because it is on
Eloise Tomkins: point like it is so good. Your socials on point on the surface. You look like you are fucking, smashing it.
Mary Miller: Hmm.
Eloise Tomkins: And even financially smashing it, because I know we've spoken about that as well, and we'll get to that.
Eloise Tomkins: However, it sounds like on the inside. There's a bit of a different story going on. Can you tell us a little bit about that?
Mary Miller: I remember I remember when I I had this photographer that I used to idolize. He was amazing, and he still is. He's next level. And I remember
Mary Miller: before Pre Covid, he was doing like a wedding workshop, and I was like, Oh, my God! I need to be like this guy. He's incredible. His work is amazing. And I flew all the way down to Sydney and had this in person workshop with him, and don't get me wrong, like everything he said was great, like, I learned lots of technical skills. And that. And I remember he sat in front of me and he was like like, he sort of looked at everyone's website and socials and stuff like that. And he said,
Mary Miller: oh, what's the saying where it's like he's like you're a jack of all trades, but a master of none, and that
Mary Miller: that stuck with me because, you know I would. I would do family photography? I do. Event. I do weddings. I do. You know all of these things, and and I understood that my socials maybe
Mary Miller: you know, if you were a bride, being like.
Mary Miller: I want a wedding photographer right? And you look at my socials, and I've got
Mary Miller: pictures of kids on there like I understood what he said, but I got to admit it took me years to be like. No, I can be a master of everything if I want to, and you know what the shift was when I shifted my brand to Mary Miller.
Mary Miller: and it was me. And this is me. This is my brand. Whatever I fucking offer is what it is.
Mary Miller: Game changer. My my revenue doubled, almost tripled. In it just being
Mary Miller: me and my brand. But yeah, I'll never quite. I'll never quite forget that moment of being like, oh.
Mary Miller: oh, okay, shit. Should I just like, do one thing? Do I need to start like million social pages
Mary Miller: for the different avenues of which I'm photographing like.
Eloise Tomkins: Hmm.
Mary Miller: And it was really, yeah, it was really hard. It was really hard. But yeah, game changer, changing my business to my name, and it being me.
Eloise Tomkins: You know that again, I feel like so many women listening will relate, because one of the biggest things that comes up as a money block
Eloise Tomkins: in which people are kind of like. Oh, I didn't realize that was a money block is comparison. Oh.
Mary Miller: Thief of joy! Men.
Eloise Tomkins: And that, too, right? It's like thief of joy, but also a money blocker. And the reason for that is kind of like what you were saying, like comparing, comparing yourself in some ways to. I want to be like this person's photography style. Wow! They're so skilled. I'm not as good as them or
Eloise Tomkins: my photos don't look quite like that, and I really respect their photography. I wish I could be like them, and I think we all do that in different ways. I wish I could charge as much as that person. I wish I could post on socials like that person's posting, or whatever it is that we're experiencing and comparing
Eloise Tomkins: is ultimately blocking the revenue. Right? Because, like you said, when you fully leaned into your unique power, which I agree, you know with you it is your unique power, because your photos
Eloise Tomkins: are phenomenal like they are incredible like, that's business chicks, Emma Isaacs. That's how you and I connected.
Eloise Tomkins: and
Eloise Tomkins: like your photos, are just like, seriously, I'm in awe. I think they're brilliant because they are you, and I think the power of being able to lean into who you are as a business owner is really really powerful, and it's something that a lot of women are fucking scared to do.
Eloise Tomkins: and that being said, though.
Eloise Tomkins: I want to understand
Eloise Tomkins: the financial journey, because when you were working in that retail job all those years ago, which is funny, isn't it, that you're in photography? I didn't know that part.
Eloise Tomkins: So it's obviously been that element there, that creative side. And you're earning, you know. Not that much, and you kind of shifted to now. years later, being the breadwinner of your family.
Mary Miller: Hmm.
Eloise Tomkins: Can you speak a little bit to what it was like going from
Eloise Tomkins: that low end income to now, being multiple, figures.
Mary Miller: Yeah.
Mary Miller: it's
Mary Miller: it was a wild change, like coming out of Covid. My husband
Mary Miller: really wanted to be able to
Mary Miller: change his whole career like he's had a pivotal moment. He was working in a very specific job working on aircraft, and he's like, No, I need to like
Mary Miller: completely changed my life, which was a conversation we had to be like.
Mary Miller: Okay, how can we do that? And how can we make it work? So it was like. All right.
Mary Miller: Mary, it's it's time. And and it did. It did feel it did feel right at the time, because it's like all right. I had all those years to be able to be like
Mary Miller: I lent on you so much so I could build these connections and do that. Now it's
Mary Miller: now it's your turn right?
Mary Miller: So he quit his job.
Mary Miller: And that was my time to hustle. I always feel like
Mary Miller: my superpower in business is really my connections. I'm a real extroverted person, and
Mary Miller: and I love talking, and I have this power of people just to be like
Mary Miller: my photography could be so shit. But people are like, I just want to hang out with you right?
Mary Miller: Which I'm like. I I own that I own that, and I.
Eloise Tomkins: I love that.
Mary Miller: How I get. It's how I get a lot of my work. But
Mary Miller: yeah, it was. It was a stressful period to be like. All right, let's fucking. Do this. And
Mary Miller: and again I had, because I'm so extroverted. I feel like I had a lot of confidence in being like you know what like. I've just
Mary Miller: slagged my ass for like years doing weddings. It's time I'm doubling my prices, and
Mary Miller: when I st doubled the price
Mary Miller: I got ghosted a little bit, and I was like my inner person was like.
Mary Miller: Is my is my work not worthy?
Mary Miller: Oh, my God! And then I had this one couple
Mary Miller: reply, and they said.
Mary Miller: It's a little bit out of our budget.
Mary Miller: but you're so worth it, word for word. And I was like
Mary Miller: that was it. That was it for me. I was like.
Mary Miller: I'm with it.
Mary Miller: Oh, my God, okay, great. And it's honestly I've got to tell you. It's been full steam ahead
Mary Miller: ever since
Mary Miller: ever since. I
Mary Miller: no one's ever questioned my pricing. No one's ever. If they
Mary Miller: they want me, they want me. You know what I mean, and that's a mindset. It's a skill
Mary Miller: to be able to do that.
Eloise Tomkins: It really? Yeah, it really is. And it's interesting. Because, like one of the things that I'll speak to is the fact that we need to lean into that discomfort. And and it sounds like you did that. You know. You raised your prices, doubled them, and
Eloise Tomkins: people are gonna ghost. You people are gonna not want to.
Mary Miller: Yeah.
Eloise Tomkins: Work with you. I've had that
Eloise Tomkins: I've had clients who I've worked with. I've increased my prices, not even doubled them, and they're like no.
Eloise Tomkins: and
Eloise Tomkins: being able to separate
Eloise Tomkins: you as a person from money is so important. Because
Eloise Tomkins: if you were to kind of go, and you know you kind of did that a little bit by the sounds of it in terms of or I had this moment where I looked inwards, and and I really felt it. It sounds like you really felt something in your body that was kind of like. Oh, my goodness! Now I'm questioning myself.
Eloise Tomkins: and
Eloise Tomkins: I think that happens for a lot of us. And what then happens
Eloise Tomkins: typically is we have this experience of everyone's ghosted me. And now I'm gonna lower my prices again. I'm gonna put them back because I'm my business is gonna fail. And we jump to that worst case scenario
Eloise Tomkins: when in reality it's it's it's just a price.
Eloise Tomkins: And the meaning that we're attaching to it becomes so much more.
Eloise Tomkins: And it can be really hard, because there's so much emotion around money to then detach from that. And I guess I'm super super curious, like around that sense of worthiness, because
Eloise Tomkins: I know one of the things that you've mentioned that it can be really hard. Is this sense of well, now.
Eloise Tomkins: iron
Eloise Tomkins: way, more than my husband.
Eloise Tomkins: I'm the main breadwinner. And this real sense of shame associated with that. How does that look for you?
Mary Miller: I think.
Mary Miller: it's like one of my, you know, as women, and and growing up right like my single mother. She worked night shift. And
Mary Miller: I just felt like she worked as a nurse. And I just feel like there is an element to the older generation of people in technology growing up right? That don't believe that
Mary Miller: a people in general, not just women, but people in general can make money online. They can make money by showing up and showing your face, and I remember it's like a couple of months ago. And my mom, so my mom lives with my husband and I. She lives in a granny flat in our house, and I remember mom said, Oh.
Mary Miller: you know that interest rates are rising, and are you like? Have you put money aside.
Mary Miller: And I remember having this moment being like
Mary Miller: fuck mom, like.
Mary Miller: I'm making
Mary Miller: triple what you made
Mary Miller: online. That's not to. That's not to one up, my mother. But it was this, it was this moment where I realized that mom, I think my mom actually just thinks I've got a camera in my hand, and I'm just
Mary Miller: taking photos. I don't think she realized how much I was actually making and making for my family.
Mary Miller: And
Mary Miller: there is a lot of I do feel a lot of it's almost like I can't
Mary Miller: boast about it.
Mary Miller: You know what I mean like that that felt like a big conversation to have with my mom like it's all good.
Mary Miller: We've paid off
Mary Miller: % more on our home loan, like, you know.
Mary Miller: all these little things that you just feel like I can't be like
Mary Miller: holy fuck. Look at me go
Mary Miller: look what I'm doing!
Mary Miller: And I'll be honest. I'm still not
Mary Miller: quite there.
Mary Miller: I'm still not I. I realized at the start of the year I wrote it was my st year that I wrote out a what do you call like a mood board of sorts of things that I really wanted to accomplish this year, and because I've been, I feel like I've been working like a dog. As to, you know, building connections and doing this and doing that and taking this and taking that and doing those things. I so I had this.
Mary Miller: it's like I wanted to do a wedding in Vegas. I wanted to book a holiday and pay for a holiday straight out. I wanted to get a new car. What was the other thing?
Mary Miller: I wanted to have a certain amount in my savings. I did all of those things
Mary Miller: by March, and the problem
Mary Miller: happened is by March. Instead of celebrating them, I changed my goalposts.
Mary Miller: and I'd said, oh, well, now, I want to do a wedding in Italy.
Mary Miller: and I didn't celebrate the wedding in Vegas, or I didn't celebrate the brand new car I bought.
Mary Miller: you know, like things like that. I I just automatically went, okay, done that. Now, what? And I wasn't proud of myself. And I didn't take that opportunity to be like holy shit
Mary Miller: like I just made. I had a grand month.
Mary Miller: like.
Mary Miller: you know. There is a lot of self reflection there too.
Mary Miller: stop and look, and.
Mary Miller: to be honest, I don't really know how how one does that
Mary Miller: tell me? Give me.
Eloise Tomkins: Oh, I love that so much! Oh, and as I'm listening to you talk, I'm like, Oh, my goodness! People women are going to be listening to this episode being able to relate to this on such a deep level. And I really appreciate your openness and vulnerability and sharing, because these are conversations that we we don't have a lot of.
Eloise Tomkins: Well, I have a lot of them, because this is the work that I do. So as you're speaking. I'm like, you know what I know, that there are going to be a lot of other women who who are feeling the same way absolutely. And
Eloise Tomkins: these are money blocks these are. Let me be super clear. These are money blocks, and I don't say that.
Eloise Tomkins: I don't know what the word is that I'm looking for, I guess, to
Eloise Tomkins: and they don't always need to be fixed or healed, or anything like that. They sometimes awareness is really helpful. But I guess my point is with that is to highlight. This is how money blocks play out for us.
Eloise Tomkins: and we all have them, regardless of what level we're at, regardless of how much money we've made, regardless of how healed air quotes. We have
Eloise Tomkins: worked on our relationship with money.
Eloise Tomkins: They play out in so many small, big, different ways.
Eloise Tomkins: and that we need to constantly be
Eloise Tomkins: being mindful of our relationship with money. I'm going on a bit of a side tangent. But I guess I just wanted to highlight that for anybody who's listening because, all of the women that I speak with on this podcast are going to have money blocks, and it's not because they haven't done the work on them, because they haven't shifted their relationship with money. It's just because so many of these money blocks have been embedded from such a young age. You were talking about your mom, and the way I heard the conversation with your mom was. There was a lot of fear from Mom.
Eloise Tomkins: and I don't know, like I can imagine being a single mother looking after kids, and I don't know whether you had siblings or not, but I imagine it would have been tough like. It wouldn't have been easy.
Mary Miller: No, absolutely. And you know.
Mary Miller: mom.
Mary Miller: well, like, we carried that right like we were always.
Mary Miller: you know, doing doing what we could. But we?
Mary Miller: Yeah, I don't know. Mom was always like, we can't do this. We can't do that. And you know there becomes an element. And then, on the other side of it. I had my dad, who would, who I never really saw. But when I did he would chuck me a hundred bucks, and I'd be like, Oh, my God! A $
Eloise Tomkins: Hmm.
Mary Miller: Great, and then Mom would be on the other end of the foot, going? Oh, cool! But what about school uniforms? You know what I mean, and I'd be like, I don't care. I've got bucks. I'm going out to get that
Mary Miller: shirt from Supre right.
Mary Miller: and it was like, you know that was my relationship with money where I would grow up being like, I'll just get cash.
Mary Miller: I'll just do this. I'll just do that. There was never really any conversation around.
Mary Miller: Maybe you could put that money towards something else, or maybe you could do this, or maybe you could do that. I would just see it as cash to spend and cash to do, and then I would get the other side of Mom, who was very frugal and very.
Eloise Tomkins: Hmm.
Mary Miller: You know, we're we're doing this, and we're doing that. And so
Mary Miller: absolutely.
Mary Miller: But I do feel like
Mary Miller: I do feel like, at at least. Now, in the last couple of years there's been an element to me that's like.
Mary Miller: especially with my own girls.
Mary Miller: It's like, no, you know what it's so important to teach my kids about money.
Eloise Tomkins: And.
Mary Miller: And it's and there is an element to, you know, when you make when you have a good month. And you know, I'm like, we're gonna dream, well, kids like, yeah, we're gonna go do that. And that's so fun. And then I remember my girl not too long ago being like, can we go to time zone?
Mary Miller: And I just it was this expectation right? And
Mary Miller: I just sort of felt a little bit like I would never have gotten that as a child
Mary Miller: that wouldn't that that was something that just never happened. And so I can recognize it, and I can see it, and I can hear it. And I've had a lot of conversations with my kids
Mary Miller: about.
Mary Miller: You know all of that. We can't just do that
Mary Miller: because we need to do that. And mommy's working. And mommy's doing this so that we can do these things. But you know.
Mary Miller: there is a a very big added pressure as a mom.
Eloise Tomkins: Hmm.
Mary Miller: To not only heal my own trauma of it, but then, like.
Mary Miller: you know.
Mary Miller: gift that back to my children. So they're not so
Mary Miller: unworthy growing up right. I would love my children to, you know, in I'd be so excited to see what they could do in years time with technology as it is.
Eloise Tomkins: Do you know, that's such a wonderful gift to give your kids? And it's hard.
Eloise Tomkins: It's so hard, because, like her parents did the best they could, you know, and.
Mary Miller: Absolutely.
Eloise Tomkins: God, they did the best they could, and sometimes that's not enough. I speak from my experience, you know. Sometimes it's just not enough, and
Eloise Tomkins: when it comes to money you're so right. It does that stuff that both your dad and your mom they both have their own money stories.
Mary Miller: You, then.
Eloise Tomkins: Take that, develop your own, and then that does move to your children as well, you know, with your husband as well, and it becomes like it's there's so much complexity to it. And yeah.
Eloise Tomkins: the worthiness piece like that is one of the biggest money blocks. I'm not worthy of making money. Who am I to triple the amount of money that I make compared to my mom, who works so hard to put food on the table and make sure that we had a school uniform like. There's so many layers to it. And I want to come back to something that you said earlier, because.
Eloise Tomkins: you know it's that sense of well, I don't celebrate
Eloise Tomkins: my wins. I don't celebrate the wins that I have in financially in my business. I've achieved all of my goals yet in March, and yet I'm still, you know. What can I do? Now and again I think this is something that a lot of other women will relate to, because I see this women
Eloise Tomkins: even me actually like. Now that I think about it, you know, I know that I've done things, and
Eloise Tomkins: it can be hard to pause and to slow down and and to reflect, and to
Eloise Tomkins: allow ourselves the opportunity to celebrate our wins, because
Eloise Tomkins: as women, we are. So
Eloise Tomkins: we've been conditioned throughout our entire fucking lives to not
Eloise Tomkins: to be humble, you know. Don't brag. Don't go and tell people about your achievements, because, you know oh, nobody wants to hear that. Nobody wants you to be a bragger, and if you go and tell people about what you've done, they they judge you for that.
Mary Miller: Yeah.
Eloise Tomkins: Which is fucking crazy.
Eloise Tomkins: It's not expected that a woman will make that much money.
Eloise Tomkins: That's not
Eloise Tomkins: the typical expectation for men absolutely.
Mary Miller: Yeah.
Eloise Tomkins: And I guess, like what would. How would it look for you if you were to celebrate like what would celebrating mean for you?
Mary Miller: You know.
Mary Miller: Have you ever been there
Mary Miller: like, have you ever been? I don't know where you've set yourself a goal where you're like, right? Like.
Mary Miller: okay, every day this week I'm gonna
Mary Miller: run kilometers. And when I do, I'm gonna spend $at rebel sports and buy that new pair of shoes right? There's a mindset there of you know, when you set yourself a goal like that. All right. So you know, once I go tick, tick, tick, and hit those boxes. I'm going to do XYZ.
Eloise Tomkins: Hmm.
Mary Miller: The money block. The the block for me was very much like, Okay, here's the prize.
Mary Miller: How does that prize look for me when
Mary Miller: at any given day of the week. I'm fortunate enough to be like. I can go and spend that $a rebel, and it wouldn't blink an eye.
Mary Miller: What it's it's working out.
Mary Miller: What for me
Mary Miller: is my prize? What for any woman? What does it look like once you've hit that money goal? Or what does it look like? Once you've bought that new car or photograph that wedding in
Mary Miller: Vegas?
Mary Miller: And my husband asked me recently, he goes.
Mary Miller: you know.
Mary Miller: what's the end goal.
Eloise Tomkins: -
Mary Miller: And it's a very. It's a very good question to ask when you're constantly changing your own goalposts, and and I know that I have some mad, Adhd, and that does stem from that. But
Mary Miller: I do have to get
Mary Miller: so much better at celebrating my wins, and you know I've recently started doing it, but celebrating them online. And I've found that majority of people
Mary Miller: are actually like, really grateful to be part of your journey in what you're sharing and like. What do you mean? You're in
Mary Miller: bloody Vegas doing a wedding like that. So fucking cool like, you know, people are just like people are awesome. And I have a really great, great following of people who are just so
Mary Miller: to me. But
Mary Miller: I've so I've recently my background at my computer and my background on my phone is just my
Mary Miller: It's my! What do you call it? Like my pinterest mood board of all the things that I would love to do and have. And and every time I open my computer, or every time I open my phone it's there. And I'm reminded of
Mary Miller: holy shit. I've done that, and I come back.
Eloise Tomkins: All of the stuff that you've done.
Mary Miller: Yeah.
Mary Miller: And it's just like this. It's just like this thing of being like
Mary Miller: holy shit.
Mary Miller: Mary, like you did that you you did that you set yourself a goal, and you just you did it.
Eloise Tomkins: You a question.
Mary Miller: Yeah.
Eloise Tomkins: Another one I hate, I hate that. Can I ask you a question? You already asked me a question like Oh, that was a thing in primary school, and I feel like it's a trigger.
Eloise Tomkins: anyway, that being said so when you think about that, because again, I think this is something that a lot of women will relate to when you think about
Eloise Tomkins: the things that you've achieved, you open that pinterest board mood board of all of the accomplishments and all of your goals.
Eloise Tomkins: How do you feel in your body?
Mary Miller: I'm
Mary Miller: I'm really proud of myself. I'm really proud, but there is
Mary Miller: always an element, always a very quick
Mary Miller: what now?
Mary Miller: And what's next. And what else can you do? And
Mary Miller: yeah, that it's really hard.
Eloise Tomkins: And I wonder if that.
Eloise Tomkins: because because I hear you that moment of proud
Eloise Tomkins: and then is quickly replaced by okay, what next? And I'm gonna offer something.
Eloise Tomkins: because this is something that I see a lot of, and you might be like, no, Ellie, this doesn't relate to me, and that's totally fine. I almost wonder, though, if
Eloise Tomkins: that moment of proud
Eloise Tomkins: get swallowed up by okay. But I need to keep
Eloise Tomkins: going, because I can't lose this momentum, because if I lose this momentum people are, gonna see that I'm actually just
Eloise Tomkins: Mary from the block that
Eloise Tomkins: started taking $for $photo shoots for people, and I don't even have formal qualifications in photography. So I don't really know what I'm good doing. So does that make sense? Does that.
Mary Miller: Absolutely. That is absolutely, you know. I mean, you kind of see it all the time, right? Like the people who go on maternity leave or have a baby or do these things? It happened to one of my best friends. They lose that momentum. They lose that presence online. And it's kind of really hard to get back. It's really hard. And I I dread that I'm sort of like, what if I just worked for years doing this all to just
Mary Miller: stop. And that is a block that I need to be like, Mary. You can go on holiday and not share it and still come back, and people will care about you. But it is like it is a.
Mary Miller: It is a huge block for me, massive.
Mary Miller: massive. I always. I'm always thinking, steps ahead, and I probably should be like what? What right now.
Eloise Tomkins: It just sounds like it's taking up a lot of kind of like mental energy like, it sounds really tiring and exhausting. And and I I see that with the women that I work with, I hear it. You know that constant
Eloise Tomkins: planning steps ahead. And look, don't get me wrong.
Eloise Tomkins: Planning is a good thing, absolutely. I'm I'm not saying don't plan, and just like live in the moment like that's
Eloise Tomkins: great. But it's about finding that balance where that
Eloise Tomkins: anxiety doesn't overwhelm us. Cause I see a lot of
Eloise Tomkins: successful win with a lot of anxiety. I'm not saying this is you, but just talking more broadly.
Mary Miller: Totally is.
Eloise Tomkins: Well, I didn't want to make an assumption, you know, but like I think we do have a lot of anxiety right? And being able to kind of balance that with
Eloise Tomkins: bringing it back to the present and celebrating those fucking epic wins. Because the thing is, your followers can look at your wins and be like Mary. You're amazing. I can look at your photos and direct listeners to look at your photos and go. They're fucking amazing like honestly amazing the end of the day, though what we say doesn't matter.
Mary Miller: It's a.
Eloise Tomkins: How you feel in yourself. It's about how
Eloise Tomkins: our body feels, because often a lot of the time
Eloise Tomkins: we have our beliefs like, and I can see it in you where you've got this belief of. I know that I'm doing great stuff like fuck me. I ticked off all of my goals by March, like, Wow.
Eloise Tomkins: yeah, yeah, the body
Eloise Tomkins: is saying, oh, but you know what? I'm still scared because I would argue that little inner child with inside inside of you is kind of like wanting to prove to Mom that you you can do it is wanting to.
Mary Miller: Hmm.
Eloise Tomkins: Prove yourself worthy. And I say this because and you know, it might not completely all land. But
Eloise Tomkins: worthiness and money is such a big one, and the way that we
Eloise Tomkins: resolve that is, and heal that money block is by learning that we are inherently worthy. Money is great as a tool to take your kid to time zone, you know.
Mary Miller: Yeah.
Eloise Tomkins: You wanting to go there or to dream world.
Eloise Tomkins: and
Eloise Tomkins: you would be equally as worthy just as that kid who was growing up.
Mary Miller: Yeah.
Eloise Tomkins: It's little money you're you're the same person. You're still worthy. Money hasn't changed that worth.
Mary Miller: Yes, and I think there was a switch
Mary Miller: recently where I'd been like for me. Money is is almost. It's not. It's not about the I mean. It is about the dollar figure, but it's almost. It's almost like an energy right.
Mary Miller: It's ebbs and flows. I could have a really fantastic month, but also I'm like I'm
Mary Miller: giving, and I spend, you know I hire my friends constantly. I
Mary Miller: you know I give to charities, and I do all these things, and it's just like this.
Mary Miller: I know it's going to come back to me tenfold, and it does.
Mary Miller: It does. It absolutely does. And I can see it. I do. I do have moments of being like, Oh, but I've got kids a mortgage like, you know. I do have those moments which I'm certain that every single woman would have as well. But and then also, you think
Mary Miller: worst case scenario one. If
Mary Miller: what if I break both my legs tomorrow and I can't work, I would love to be able to have money in my bank account to save me from that.
Mary Miller: and I don't know whether that is is like a real, you know, Adhd, like way of like way of living where you go. But what about the worst case scenario.
Mary Miller: when really I should just be living in my moment and being like.
Mary Miller: you know, I'm gonna hire my friend for this. I'm gonna hire my friend for that. I built this connection here, and it all just sort of comes to me
Mary Miller: when I give it. Do you know what I mean?
Eloise Tomkins: Absolutely. And I think sometimes like with the with the what ifs our brain has that tendency to go? What if this really terrible thing happens, break both of my legs, but our brain doesn't do it the opposite way. What if I meet?
Eloise Tomkins: Why is my mind gone blank? Someone exceptional. Who then invites me to Italy to do their wedding, which will take like our brain doesn't have those kinds of what ifs? Our brain is always on the lookout for danger and threats and the bad things that we can plan and prepare and look
Eloise Tomkins: again. Planning isn't a bad thing inherently. It's not. It's not a bad thing, but I think when we live in that kind of anxiety state of Oh, what's gonna happen? And we have that constant like that feeling in our body that's anxious. That's where I feel like it can kind of block us moving forward. And that's why I'm so passionate about helping women move through the body based experience, because that's where
Eloise Tomkins: so many of our money blocks lie. Because we get it. We're fucking smart women. We're not stupid, we know right like, we absolutely can rationalize and think our way through things.
Eloise Tomkins: But when our body is having a different message, then it can become really difficult to kind of connect the my goodness, I could talk about this forever because I but I'm not.
Eloise Tomkins: I wanna thank you, though, so much, because, like I said, I think so many women will be able to relate to this conversation on so many levels. I know that I relate on so many levels. And I really appreciate you and everything that you have shared. What I wanna ask, though, is because, like I said, I think your photos are incredible. And
Eloise Tomkins: would love for everyone else to check them out and to connect with you if they even if they're not looking for photographers like. Oh, my goodness!
Eloise Tomkins: Your photos! As soon as they pop up on my feed, just like provide such a spark of energy and joy I love when they pop up on my feed. Can you tell us where people can find you? And I'm gonna pop your info in the show notes as well.
Mary Miller: Yeah, also. So I'm in the middle of like, kind of pivoting. You've probably seen online pivoting. What I'm doing. The main goal is to sort of sorry about it, but sort of just really dwindling down my weddings. I love your weddings, and I'll shoot them overseas, and I'll do all those things. But my main thing at the moment is content. I love helping women show up online. I love helping women, showing them how to film their own content.
Mary Miller: branding, and all of that
Mary Miller: I may like.
Mary Miller: Please find me on Instagram at Mary Miller Media. That's my main.
Mary Miller: Always. My dms are always open. But yeah.
Mary Miller: a lot of.
Eloise Tomkins: Definitely like.
Mary Miller: Content, club.
Eloise Tomkins: Oh, Content Club! Tell us a little bit about your content club. What is that.
Mary Miller: So that is basically like, a monthly sort of subscription to me. I am Brisbane based. But I do have clients in Sydney and Melbourne. And basically, I see you once a month, and we shoot high quality content for your brand for your reels. I show you how to make them yourself. But also I do have a bigger package where I can take over your social media as well, and
Mary Miller: do it for you.
Eloise Tomkins: Oh, my gosh! That would be amazing! Like.
Mary Miller: Game, changer, man.
Eloise Tomkins: I can imagine, like just you, and content like you are. Seriously the Queen of Content like it would be amazing. Thank you so much for sharing that. I'll pop that info in the show notes. But I want to thank you again for joining us on the rich woman rising podcast and for all of you wonderful listeners. Thank you so much for joining, listening to this conversation, and as always, if you want to share any of your biggest takeaways, thoughts, comments.
Eloise Tomkins: reflections. My dms are always open as well on Insta. I would love to hear from you, and if you want to uncover your own subconscious money block and find out which money Block might be holding you back from making more money in your business. You might like to take the money blocks quiz. I'm going to pop the link to that in the show notes, and you'll be able to uncover what your primary money block is how you can overcome it
Eloise Tomkins: and start healing it. So I'll pop that in the show notes for you. As well. Take care, and I'll see you all next week.
