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Eloise Tomkins: Hello, Hello! Welcome to another episode of the rich woman rising. Podcast
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Eloise Tomkins: I am your host, Eloise Tompkins, and I am a money mindset, coach and psychologist. And I really love helping women change their relationship with money so that they can feel confident, doing things like increasing their prices without worrying that the whole business is going to come crashing down because people won't buy.
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Eloise Tomkins: There's so much worry that we can hold in our minds about money, and that's kind of what I want to talk to you about today, the interlink between anxiety and money.
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Eloise Tomkins: because often we can think about anxiety as a bad thing, and in reality anxiety is a normal human emotion. It's a normal human response to things that are happening in our environment.
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Eloise Tomkins: But we have a negative association with anxiety that we shouldn't be feeling that way. And if we feel anxiety.
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Eloise Tomkins: that's something that we should eliminate
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Eloise Tomkins: and don't get me wrong. Sometimes anxiety can really get in our way, and it can really hold us back.
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Eloise Tomkins: And the reason for that is because it wants to keep us safe.
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Eloise Tomkins: And if we think about the evolution of anxiety
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Eloise Tomkins: when
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Eloise Tomkins: we think back to cave people days, years, and years and years ago, way back, when
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Eloise Tomkins: and we were out picking berries in the field, and we're putting berries into our basket, having a little chat with our friends, and then all of a sudden we look up and we see a tiger.
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Eloise Tomkins: and we didn't have anxiety. We would look up and we'd be like, oh, there's a tiger. Huh!
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Eloise Tomkins: I wonder if I should do something. I wonder if it's going to be okay here, or if I should just keep picking my berries, or if I should go back to my camp. Well, I don't know. What do you think I should do? And then they turn to their friends and have a conversation about it
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Eloise Tomkins: that Tiger is going to go Chomp, Chomp, Chomp, and there is going to be no more picking berries because they're all going to be dead.
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Eloise Tomkins: So we need anxiety in those situations where there's a threat to our survival, the tiger
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Eloise Tomkins: where we can make really quick, fast decisions.
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Eloise Tomkins: And the way that that happens is our brain
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Eloise Tomkins: switches off its rational thinking. And it goes into our emotional brain. And it's like, Okay, there's danger. There's a tiger. I need to do something about this fast, and it will pick one of 4 options. You don't really get a lot of control over what your brain picks. In fact, you don't get much control at all. It just kind of happens automatically.
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Eloise Tomkins: and it will either fight. So you might find that that person fights the tiger or tries to. You might find that they flight away from the tiger they run. They're like I'm getting out of here. Throw the basket of berries up into the air and hightail it out of that situation
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Eloise Tomkins: they might fawn, which is where they look up to the tiger, and are like, Oh, you're such a pretty tiger, and oh, I'll be your friend, and try and get the tiger to like them. Maybe that's not the best example in this situation.
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Eloise Tomkins: or they might freeze, which is where they might drop to the ground and like play dead, and hope that by doing that the tiger will lose interest in them, and they'll survive in that way.
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Eloise Tomkins: and you might know those as the you might be more familiar with the fight. Flight response when it comes to anxiety.
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Eloise Tomkins: But the freeze and fawn response are also a couple of other ways that anxiety can kind of play out in our life as well. They're just slightly less talked about.
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Eloise Tomkins: And when we think about anxiety, and the fact that it happens quite quickly is because
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Eloise Tomkins: our brain is trying to keep us alive
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Eloise Tomkins: now with the tiger example. That's quite clear that there is a threat to our survival.
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Eloise Tomkins: The thing is, though.
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Eloise Tomkins: when it comes to our relationship with money
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Eloise Tomkins: in the here and now, as an adult, when we're running our business and we're actually doing okay, financially, we have a successful business. We've got money coming in. We're able to pay our bills.
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Eloise Tomkins: Maybe we're not completely at the place that we want to be. We've still got some goals to achieve our financial security.
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Eloise Tomkins: but we're not faced with a tiger.
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Eloise Tomkins: However.
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Eloise Tomkins: our brain doesn't know that
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Eloise Tomkins: our brain has made links between our anxiety response and money.
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Eloise Tomkins: and I'll go into why, that is in a moment.
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Eloise Tomkins: and when our brain has done that, it doesn't know that our fear of money is actually
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Eloise Tomkins: not a real threat in the here and now
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Eloise Tomkins: it's latched on to some past experiences that we've had where there've been associations made with money that have been in our mind.
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Eloise Tomkins: a threat or scary or
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Eloise Tomkins: fearful in some way, and we hold
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Eloise Tomkins: that association even now as an adult.
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Eloise Tomkins: and so that then plays out in terms of the choices that we're making with money and the responses that are going on in our body.
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Eloise Tomkins: because anxiety can have a lot of different types of responses. We can have the way our body physically responds to anxiety, and that can look like things where we might notice that our heart rate increases our breathing changes.
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Eloise Tomkins: It's really interesting, because when I talk to women about money, I can notice them like curl up within themselves and tense their shoulders, and they're not even aware that they're doing it. I'll
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Eloise Tomkins: ask them if they noticed like. Did you notice that your body just curled up when we spoke about money and a lot of the times. They'll then look at me in surprise, like Oh, my goodness! I didn't even notice that that was happening.
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Eloise Tomkins: We can also have other symptoms of anxiety where we feel a weight in the pit of our stomach for me. My throat closes up like I've always been told that my throat, Chakra, is something that can get quite blocked for me, and
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Eloise Tomkins: those are some physical symptoms. I probably missed some physical symptoms by getting distracted by my stories.
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Eloise Tomkins: and you might notice some of those symptoms that come up for you.
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Eloise Tomkins: they can feel quite strong.
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Eloise Tomkins: We also have the thought based
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Eloise Tomkins: symptoms of anxiety where we notice how we're thinking about money in our head.
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Eloise Tomkins: and that might be things like oh, my goodness! I hope that I can afford to pay my bills this month or or I've just got an email from my accountant. I hate when I get those emails. And from that we then can notice how that
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Eloise Tomkins: feels in our body.
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Eloise Tomkins: So there's an interlink between our thoughts and the physical symptoms that we're having with anxiety.
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Eloise Tomkins: And when we can start to understand how we feel in our body when it comes to money and the thoughts that are going on in our head, we can start to pinpoint what our relationship is with money, and why we are starting to feel so anxious about it. To begin with.
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Eloise Tomkins: that's usually playing out in the here and now. The thing is, though, our anxiety with money doesn't start in the here and now there is usually something or some things, usually multiple things or experiences that we've had in our past that contribute to our current sense of anxiety around money. Now
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Eloise Tomkins: remember that anxiety in and of itself is a normal human emotion does not mean necessarily that you have an
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Eloise Tomkins: anxiety disorder that would be
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Eloise Tomkins: considered a anxiety diagnosis by a mental health practitioner. We can have anxiety without having a
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Eloise Tomkins: a diagnosis of an anxiety disorder. I just want to share that, because I think sometimes we hear the word anxiety. And it's like I have anxiety. It's like, well.
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Eloise Tomkins: actually, there are differences between
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Eloise Tomkins: symptoms of anxiety versus having a full blown, clinical anxiety disorder. So if you're listening to this going, oh, yeah, I do notice that sometimes I feel that
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Eloise Tomkins: nausea in the pit of my stomach, or a heaviness, or sometimes I do notice that my palms get a bit sweaty when I talk about money.
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Eloise Tomkins: That doesn't mean that you meet the criteria for an anxiety disorder.
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Eloise Tomkins: It might it might not.
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Eloise Tomkins: I don't know. That would be something that you would have to talk to your psychologist about if you wanted to find out about that or a cycle. Anyway, I'm digressing. I guess my point is clinical anxiety and money anxiety doesn't necessarily mean that you are meeting
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Eloise Tomkins: clinical diagnoses. Okay, I'm going to move on from that
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Eloise Tomkins: And then I lose my train of thought, of course, because I go on these aside tangents which honestly, I blame my Adhd brain for like I'm like, what am I talking about? Oh.
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Eloise Tomkins: however, money, anxiety, childhood.
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Eloise Tomkins: we. And if you've been listening to this podcast you know that I will talk about our childhood experiences and the reason that I do. That is because we underestimate how impactful they are in the here and now.
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Eloise Tomkins: And I'll tell my clients that
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Eloise Tomkins: I don't like living in the past. I don't want us to go back to our childhood and to live there, and to stay there, and to
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Eloise Tomkins: constantly be in the past. But I do think it's important for us to have an understanding of how
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Eloise Tomkins: those past experiences have contributed to the things that are going on for us today, and a lot of times.
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Eloise Tomkins: particularly with anxiety, where we want to avoid understanding our
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Eloise Tomkins: Or avoid feeling more anxious. We want to avoid going back to the things that made us feel anxious. So it kind of becomes this cycle where it's like, well, I don't want to talk about the stuff in my childhood, because that wasn't pleasant. That wasn't fun. It was scary. Hearing my parents argue about money. I don't particularly want to go back there and think about that.
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Eloise Tomkins: And look, I get it. I really do.
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Eloise Tomkins: however, the more that we avoid something, the more anxious it's actually going to make us feel.
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Eloise Tomkins: and when we avoid the thing
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Eloise Tomkins: and feel more anxious.
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Eloise Tomkins: wouldn't it make sense to kind of deal with some short term, anxiety and kind of resolve? The issue
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Eloise Tomkins: and reprogram that childhood experience. So your inner child stops feeling so anxious about the experience that it was exposed to, and give her the love and nurturance and support that she needed back then. So that adult, you today can make some different choices around money because you're no longer held back by that anxiety that your inner child experienced.
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Eloise Tomkins: And that's where it is something that we need to start weighing up like. Do we continue to sit in that sense of anxiety, because it's something that you've probably always just known. It
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Eloise Tomkins: might feel
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Eloise Tomkins: in a way unpleasant but familiar.
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Eloise Tomkins: And I know for me that was something that I grappled with for a very long time. I didn't know anything other than my own anxiety, not just with money, but just life in general, like. There was just this underpinning of anxiety that infiltrated all areas of my life, and
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Eloise Tomkins: I didn't realize that there could be another way without that sense of anxiety, and when I realized that there could, I was like, Oh.
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Eloise Tomkins: wow! Like, I have space in my brain now, that's really cool. And so I just want to share that with you, because I want you to know that there is another way where you can have a relationship with money
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Eloise Tomkins: that isn't fuelled by this constant anxiety.
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Eloise Tomkins: and
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Eloise Tomkins: what that looks like is by being able to have a mind that is
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Eloise Tomkins: clear, that has space to think about other things rather than that constant! Oh, my God! What if I lose it all? Oh, my God! What if next month I get no clients? And that's finally the month that my business crashes. Oh, my goodness! What if I overspend everything? And then I go bankrupt! What if? What if? What if? What if? What if
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Eloise Tomkins: anxiety loves the what if game
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Eloise Tomkins: but anxiety loves the what if everything fails? Game?
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Eloise Tomkins: Anxiety loves the what if I can predict the biggest worst case scenario, so that I can prepare for it, and have all of the possible situations covered so that nothing bad will happen.
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Eloise Tomkins: because ultimately that's what anxiety worries about all of the bad things that potentially could go wrong.
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Eloise Tomkins: And then we can spend a lot of time in our head thinking about all of those
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Eloise Tomkins: awful things that might go wrong with your finances, with your business.
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Eloise Tomkins: and
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Eloise Tomkins: what it doesn't do
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Eloise Tomkins: is
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Eloise Tomkins: ask about the what ifs if everything goes right?
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Eloise Tomkins: And this is where, when thinking about your relationship with money, thinking about your relationship between the symptoms of anxiety that you may have and
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Eloise Tomkins: how much of that we do on autopilot. It can be helpful to
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Eloise Tomkins: be aware of how our body responds with those physical symptoms.
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Eloise Tomkins: and be aware of how our body responds with those thoughts, because when we're aware that those are some of the symptoms of anxiety around money, then we can start to bring a bit more awareness and consciousness to it, rather than
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Eloise Tomkins: letting ourselves just be guided completely by autopilot and getting hooked into all of those stories that our anxiety really loves to share and tell us, because at the end of the day there's no tiger.
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Eloise Tomkins: You are not exposed to a tiger, and we
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Eloise Tomkins: need to help Al
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Eloise Tomkins: mind and body feel safe, so that money starts to feel safe. And that's exactly
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Eloise Tomkins: why I help women reprogram their relationship with money and subsequently anxiety. And we've reprogramm that relationship between the 2, so that money is no longer associated with so much fear. And there's space to be able to make better financial decisions in your business, because there is capacity for your brain to have a little bit of room to think which is really, really
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Eloise Tomkins: just super cool.
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Eloise Tomkins: and I don't think like if you have experience that overthinking, particularly when it comes to money, you might be thinking, oh, my goodness! I can't even imagine what it would be like to
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Eloise Tomkins: stop overthinking about money. And I get it, you know, like, it's really interesting to even think about what it would be like if things were different.
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Eloise Tomkins: and I guess I'll put that question out to you like, what would it look like to you if things were different with your relationship with money? What would it look like? What would it feel like if you did have more space in your brain because your brain wasn't so focused on thinking about money.
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Eloise Tomkins: and what would be a
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Eloise Tomkins: disadvantage of that?
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Eloise Tomkins: What would be a disadvantage if your brain stopped worrying about money.
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Eloise Tomkins: and I don't want you to sit there and go. There would be no disadvantages, because I guarantee you that when we're doing something we're doing it for a purpose. So your brain is worrying about money.
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Eloise Tomkins: and there's a purpose for that.
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Eloise Tomkins: What is that purpose?
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Eloise Tomkins: And what is the disadvantage if we stop worrying about money, and usually the disadvantage is something along the lines of well, if I stop worrying about money.
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Eloise Tomkins: then
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Eloise Tomkins: I'm not going to be motivated to save, or if I stop worrying about money. Then
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Eloise Tomkins: how am I going to know that I'm not going to go bankrupt, or if I stop worrying about money, then
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Eloise Tomkins: I'm not going to have enough of it.
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Eloise Tomkins: So there's usually
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Eloise Tomkins: a motivation that your brain has hooked onto that is actually encouraging it to keep getting hooked into those
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Eloise Tomkins: unhelpful, overthinking stories.
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Eloise Tomkins: There is always a reason for our current behaviour always.
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Eloise Tomkins: and it meets a need in some way, shape or form, even if it's unhelpful in some way.
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Eloise Tomkins: so I guess I invite you to have a little bit of a think about that, and I feel like
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Eloise Tomkins: There's so much to that I could unpack that. I'm mindful like. I don't want to
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Eloise Tomkins: go into too much in this episode, because I feel like it could be overwhelming but I love exploring that relationship between how those symptoms manifest in our body and the thoughts that we have, because the thoughts and feelings that we have then lead us to
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Eloise Tomkins: make meaning out of those, and that meaning is generally not a positive meaning. We generally make it mean something negative, because we've associated
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Eloise Tomkins: those cues in our body as negative, because back in the day those feelings and sensations and thoughts were to keep us safe from danger like tigers.
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Eloise Tomkins: and we now need to kind of retrain our mind and body, that it actually can be safe
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Eloise Tomkins: with money.
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Eloise Tomkins: And
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Eloise Tomkins: to do that
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Eloise Tomkins: reprogramming, reprogramming the relationship with money is really really powerful, because you can remind yourself, okay, I'm actually, I'm safe with money, and I hate affirmations. And as I'm saying this, I'm like, oh, my God! Am I giving you an affirmation?
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Eloise Tomkins: and no, I don't think I am. I don't think that's an affirmation. What it is, though, is, we're looking for reframing the ability to reframe our thoughts when it comes to money
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Eloise Tomkins: and look for evidence that supports our current reality. And
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Eloise Tomkins: maybe I am safe with money doesn't feel true to you. Maybe that's something that just doesn't feel like it resonates. And maybe it's about bringing it to something that does feel like it's more true for you, like.
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Eloise Tomkins: I have enough right now.
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Eloise Tomkins: or
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Eloise Tomkins: I am okay in this moment, and really bring it to something that actually feels like it's true for you in this moment, so that you can not let your money stories get hooked into the complete negatives of something that's just going to make you worry stress, overwhelm and get hooked into more of that anxiety around money.
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Eloise Tomkins: And look, I get it. It's easier said than done, which is why I've created the millionaire Mindset Academy because it's a place where women can come and heal their relationship with money from
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Eloise Tomkins: understanding those subconscious blocks from reprogramming the blocks that are there, understanding your money triggers, understanding your anxiety around money and being able to shift it because these patterns have been there for a long time. They're not going to shift just by listening to this episode of a podcast I'm totally aware of that. So
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Eloise Tomkins: if you're listening to this podcast, and going. Oh, my gosh, Ellie, that sounds like so simple. And you make it sound so easy. I get it. I totally get it. That's why I work with clients, one on one. That's why I've developed the Academy, because I understand that this is a great starting point to help you start to
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Eloise Tomkins: become aware of some of the things that might be blocking you in terms of your financial goals, and the success that you want to achieve in your business, and that is different to then doing the work. So
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Eloise Tomkins: those are a couple of ways that you can start to do the work if you do want to start shifting your relationship with money through either the Academy or through one on one work with me, and I'll pop some info in the show notes below. If you are interested in learning a bit more about that, otherwise I am going to go, because otherwise I could talk about anxiety and money for
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Eloise Tomkins: a long time. I was gonna say, forever. And I'm like cool. That's a really long time, and I don't know that I'd want to talk about it forever.
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Eloise Tomkins: But I do hope that this has helped you understand a little bit more about the relationship between anxiety and money and some of the things that you can do to shift it a little bit, so that you're not quite so hooked. Alright. Thanks for listening, and I'll see you next time.
