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Eloise Tomkins: Hello, Hello, welcome to another episode of the rich woman rising. Podcast. This Podcast. Is designed to help women in business, embrace your rich in a woman so that you can up, level your life and create financial freedom, become completely unstoppable and live life that you love.
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Eloise Tomkins: So I'm super excited to be here and to share another podcast episode with you. And today I want to be talking about money stories, because we all have money stories. And you've probably heard it heard about money stories before. It's not an unfamiliar topic to you.
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Eloise Tomkins: but what I want to talk about is how they develop and why they can be so fucking hard to overcome.
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Eloise Tomkins: Because what I see a lot is women who will come to me, and they'll say, Oh, my gosh, Ellie, I have this pattern, and it keeps replaying out, and I can see it again and again, and again and again. But I don't know why I can't stop.
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Eloise Tomkins: I had a client who would impulsive spend that could be me. It's not me, but it could be me. I used to impulsively spend myself. And gosh! It was shoes, handbags.
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Eloise Tomkins: So I totally get it. You know you whip out the credit card and it's like whoops. Add to cart. Okay. I guess that delivery is coming
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Eloise Tomkins: because it would feel really good. And you'd get that little dopamine hit. And it would feel really, really nice. And sometimes it can be really difficult to have this awareness of. Oh, okay, I've got this pattern, which is what happened to one of my clients.
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Eloise Tomkins: I have this pattern. I know that I keep buying things. I don't want to be buying things. I actually want to invest that money back into my business so that I can grow my business, stop hustling 80 HA week, be able to make more money and enjoy my life because I'm getting older. I'm not getting any younger, and I want to be able to actually live my life rather than being
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Eloise Tomkins: stuck in my business and not being able to create the freedom that she wanted.
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Eloise Tomkins: And
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Eloise Tomkins: I find this really interesting, because when we think about our money stories and we can see them, we often want to stay in the here and now. And there's a sense of well, okay, I can see these money stories playing out. I can see it happening in the here and now, and we want to stay in the here and now because it feels safe in some way.
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Eloise Tomkins: However.
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Eloise Tomkins: if we think about how our brain develops and don't worry. I'm not going to go into this in too much detail today. But if we do think about how our brain develops, it kind of develops in 3 key phases.
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Eloise Tomkins: We've got the reptilian brain, which is, you know, responsible for our breathing, blinking all of those automatic things that we don't really think about. And then the next part of our brain to develop is the emotional brain.
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Eloise Tomkins: And
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Eloise Tomkins: this is what I guess we can call the subconscious part of the brain.
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Eloise Tomkins: And these all the experiences that we have and are happening to us.
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Eloise Tomkins: While this part of our brain is developing, this part of our brain continues to develop. And it's only not until we turn 7 that the last part of our brain starts to develop
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Eloise Tomkins: notice when I say starts to develop because we're gonna come back to that in a moment.
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Eloise Tomkins: The part of our brain that starts to develop around the age of 7 is our prefrontal cortex which is responsible for things like logical thinking, abstract thought. You know, being able to turn those shapes around in different ways, and being able to
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Eloise Tomkins: imagine where they might be able to go. I've never been good at that. So if anyone's good at that, well, I'm not good at doing those kinds of activities
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Eloise Tomkins: and being able to kind of make rational, wise decisions based on logic and logic and facts.
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Eloise Tomkins: And that part of our brain continues developing all the way up into our mid 20 s.
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Eloise Tomkins: What happens, though, is a lot of our money stories are developing whilst that part of our brain hasn't even come into existence yet.
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Eloise Tomkins: and it's starting to develop those money stories are starting to develop whilst our subconscious brain is active.
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Eloise Tomkins: And what that means is all of those things that are happening between the ages of 0 to 7. Whether it's our parents arguing about money, whether it's us asking to have $10 that we can go down to the shops and buy a magazine, and our parents saying, Oh, no, we can't afford that
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Eloise Tomkins: or no, that's not how you spend money. We start to internalize those beliefs. And we start to develop all of these
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Eloise Tomkins: stories around money.
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Eloise Tomkins: And not only do we develop these stories around money, all of those things that we're starting to learn about money bring up feelings in our body.
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Eloise Tomkins: and when we have really strong feelings in our body that might be shame, guilt, fear, anxiety, worry, resentment, whatever it may be. If those emotions are really strong, then sometimes what happens is they get trapped in our body.
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Eloise Tomkins: The problem is, though, a lot of us want to try and identify our money stories by tapping into that part of the brain the rational part of the brain that hasn't actually developed yet.
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Eloise Tomkins: We try and solve our money stories or our money relationship with money by targeting the rational part of the brain.
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Eloise Tomkins: and you might be starting to see that that's actually going to be pretty difficult if we
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Eloise Tomkins: have had these experiences prior to the age of 7 where that part of the brain wasn't even in existence yet.
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Eloise Tomkins: So this is why it's really helpful to kind of have that understanding of how our brain works so that you can understand why it's so important to go back in time to reprogram the subconscious so that we can make a different meaning out of those early experiences, shift those fears or emotions that are in our subconscious part of our brain, so that we can actually reconnect with that logical part of our brain and make different decisions moving forward
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Eloise Tomkins: because
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Eloise Tomkins: all of those scripts that we had developed from our childhood are going to really impact the way that we make decisions in our business here and now.
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Eloise Tomkins: because the reason that our subconscious does all of this is because it wants to make life easier for us.
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Eloise Tomkins: even though sometimes it does that in a way that doesn't make it easier for us, and it doesn't allow us to work towards our goals. Our brain can be helpful in some ways, but also counterintuitive in other ways. But once we understand how our brain works, then we can have our brain
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Eloise Tomkins: reprogram our subconscious, and use that to make choices that align with our goals, which is really powerful. And that's exactly what I do in the millionaire mindset Academy as well, is really helping people to understand the way their brain works.
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Eloise Tomkins: and then also provide those tools based on neuroscience to help you reprogram your brain so that you can actually do things differently without being held back by those emotions.
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Eloise Tomkins: So when we're younger before the age of 7, we've got all of these experiences that are
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Eloise Tomkins: leading in to our lives and our brains kind of collecting these experiences. It's gathering them and pulling them all together. It's making lots of links in our brain, connecting all these different experiences and memories together, positive memories, negative memories.
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Eloise Tomkins: neutral memories emotional memories, stressful experiences, fearful experiences all around, all of the different topics and areas in our life. I'll talk about this in ways like to kind of. Give you an example, like if you go to a restaurant
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Eloise Tomkins: you know what to do. Like, your brain probably automatically popped you in the restaurant and you're standing at the
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Eloise Tomkins: entrance waiting to be seated.
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Eloise Tomkins: Well, that's where my brain took me, anyway, and then you know that when you're standing there waiting to be seated they'll sit you down at the table, and they'll say, Would you like a drink?
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Eloise Tomkins: And then they'll give you a menu, and then you'll order, and then they'll bring their food.
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Eloise Tomkins: and then you'll get the check on your table.
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Eloise Tomkins: You'll pay, and then it's time to leave.
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Eloise Tomkins: Your brain creates all of these scripts, and those scripts are helpful in lots of different ways, and the reason that they're helpful is because if you had to
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Eloise Tomkins: mentally think about every single thing that you had to do.
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Eloise Tomkins: Your brain would be exhausted and overwhelmed, and you would not be able to get out of bed
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Eloise Tomkins: because your brain would just be like in overdrive all the time.
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Eloise Tomkins: This is why I think kids get a hard rap, because, like, there's so much that their brains are learning in those crucial developmental years that
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Eloise Tomkins: we underestimate how much
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Eloise Tomkins: is going on in their in their brains and in their development.
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Eloise Tomkins: So all of that's going on in the background when you're a child. So that as an adult, your brain just pulls on all of those automatic stories that you've got so that you can just do the thing. And we kind of call that autopilot.
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Eloise Tomkins: You just leave life on autopilot, and
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Eloise Tomkins: we like to think that we have more control in our life than sometimes we do because our subconscious really draws on all of those old familiar patterns. It doesn't care about what our goals are. It doesn't care that you want to create a 7 figure business. If you
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Eloise Tomkins: haven't come from a place of not having a lot of money.
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Eloise Tomkins: then your subconscious is going to keep pulling you towards that pattern until you actively look at that and start to reprogram and start to feel safer around money
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Eloise Tomkins: because
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Eloise Tomkins: our brain likes familiar. And that's why those stories really keep us stuck, because they will look for that familiar, no matter what.
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Eloise Tomkins: And you might have even had experiences where in your past. You might have dated a shitty type of partner.
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Eloise Tomkins: and you might have said to yourself, next time I'm going to date someone better.
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Eloise Tomkins: and then you might have found yourself dating someone
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Eloise Tomkins: who had a different name and had a different face, but had similar behaviors to your ex.
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Eloise Tomkins: because our subconscious will seek out the familiar. Even if we want something different.
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Eloise Tomkins: Hopefully, you're, you know, dating or married to someone who is a much better partner for you now, and if you are great, because that's showing that we can learn from our subconscious, and we can actually change it.
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Eloise Tomkins: However, sometimes those subconscious locks run really deep, or those stories run really deep. And we need to reprogram those emotions because emotions really guide a lot of our behaviors in a lot of ways.
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Eloise Tomkins: And that really drives us to the decisions that we're making in our life and in our business.
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Eloise Tomkins: That doesn't mean it's impossible. It is absolutely possible to reprogram your relationship with money.
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Eloise Tomkins: However, we just need to be mindful of where
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Eloise Tomkins: our brain has developed those experiences and memories and
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Eloise Tomkins: stories so that we're targeting them from the right place in the brain.
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Eloise Tomkins: because what I see is a lot of women who will try and read the books or do an online course that's based on educating.
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Eloise Tomkins: and they will try and do things that help them understand. And a lot of my clients are like Ellie. I understand.
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Eloise Tomkins: I understand how my family relationships have
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Eloise Tomkins: impacted my relationship with money.
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Eloise Tomkins: I understand that my mom placed way too much responsibility on me as a child which has now made me not want to be responsible with money isn't at all. I get it.
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Eloise Tomkins: I get it.
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Eloise Tomkins: and I still can't change it.
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Eloise Tomkins: And that is where the reprogramming comes in because what we do again in the millionaire Mindset Academy is, we go back into the
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Eloise Tomkins: emotional part of the brain. We go back into that subconscious part of the brain which is where those core experiences happened. And that's where we reprogram them.
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Eloise Tomkins: And once we do that, that's where we see a lot of those shifts starting to happen for people where they are able to tap into that logical part of the brain and make different decisions in their business. And it's really, really cool to see
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Eloise Tomkins: because it works. And I really love that. So I hope this helped you understand a little bit more about how we develop those money scripts or those money stories.
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Eloise Tomkins: And you might be thinking about your own money stories as well. And you might be thinking, oh, okay, that's starting to make a little bit of sense in terms of
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Eloise Tomkins: why I'm replaying out those familiar patterns, and why it's so hard for me to change. I just want to let you know and reassure you that it's not your fault. Your brain is just
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Eloise Tomkins: really doing what it has been designed to do, which is to keep you safe to keep you alive.
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Eloise Tomkins: and it doesn't care whether that's aligning with your goals. The good news is you can reprogram that. So I just want you to take that away. You can absolutely change that. And that means that when you change that, you can kind of let go of that younger
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Eloise Tomkins: self and those younger experiences, and step into the adult self of you who really is able to keep those goals in your business and be able to take those steps that you can create, that financial freedom that you are really wanting to create in your in your business
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Eloise Tomkins: thanks. So much for joining me on this podcast today. I hope that you found this episode helpful. I cannot wait to share the next episode with you next week, so keep an eye out for that, and I will chat with you soon.
